Frank Nero and Luther Campbell: Great Minds Thinking Alike?

The head of Miami-Dade’s semi-public economic development arm is in tune with Miami’s raunchiest columnist. Beacon Council President Frank Nero told the Miami Herald today that he believes plans by companies from Malaysia and Las Vegas to build mega-casino resorts in downtown Miami “would serve as vacuum cleaners that suck…

Pothead Gummy Candy and Ring Pops: Pot-Shaped Candy is Awesome

The Pennsylvania-based company Kalan LP, a distributor of novelty items like inflatable beer pong games and shot glasses that say “You must be Irish because my penis is Dublin,” is now distributing a line of marijuana-shaped candies, and it’s blowing up a storm among the right. Which got me thinking…

Red-Light Cameras Line the Pockets of Very Bad Boys

A disgraced former Miami-Dade County commissioner and a Hialeah businessman once banned from getting county contracts are making big bucks off the red-light camera blitzkrieg in South Florida. Arizona-based American Traffic Solutions (ATS), which has installed red-light cameras in 22 cities in Miami-Dade and nearly 80 cities across the state,…

The Occupy Movement Needs You, Miami

Luther “Luke” Campbell, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke assesses the Occupy movement sweeping New York, Miami, and other American cities.The tens of thousands of protesters…

Tiger Woods Gets Attacked by Hot Dog

In the past few years, we’ve all heard numerous Tiger Woods wiener jokes. In fact, The Somewhere in Augusta sports bar has a special Tiger Woods Homewrecker hot dog (it’s a foot-long, in case you were wondering).But at the Frys.com Open yesterday, a man threw a hot dog at Woods…

One Way to Non-Gourmet Empanadas at Gelato Nostro

What’s a writer to do when an interest piece has already been written and reviewed by a fellow blogger? Try a different angle. Just from the name Gelato Nostro, one can derive that Italian style ice-cream is the main attraction. Oscar, one of the partners of this establishment, recommended that…

Piranha Grandma, Ski Slope Hair, and the Sneaky Milk Thief

Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that…

Tupac’s Sex Tape: TMZ Releases Photos and Afeni Shakur Is Pissed (NSFW)

​It’s embarrassing to admit, but Crossfade isn’t any closer to deducing the identity of the “anonymous owner” threatening to release a sex tape featuring ’90s West Coast gangsta rap martyr Tupac Shakur. Our drive to apprehend the culprit is insatiable. And while constantly refreshing the internet’s most tawdry gossip sites,…

Republican Univision Debate: Fear, Not Rubio, the Driving Factor

Five Republican candidates — including Mitt Romney, Jon Huntsman, and Rick Perry — have pulled out of a Univision debate in January. Why? Allegedly it is because of a comment the head of the blockbuster Spanish-language channel made to Florida Sen. Marco Rubio’s people while attempting to blackmail the senator…

Yelpers Tricia and Johanna are Coffee Snobs

Back in June, we were treated to the inner world of that most annoying breed of restaurant-goer — the Yelper. In Funny or Die’s parody, we’re treated to Tricia and Johanna Yelping about everything from the disappointing sunset to their own apartment (‘weird smell, cat not attentive”)…

Steve Bateman Really Knows How To Treat His Buddies

​It’s great to have Homestead Mayor Steven Bateman as a pal when you don’t want to pay a city bill. Consider the case of Prime Home Builders, a company owned by a family of real estate developers that has donated more than five grand to Bateman’s re-election campaign. On November 16,…

Cow Heart Makes Hearts Stop

Each week’s edition of Show & Tell gets more adventurous. It’s organ time! Usually ceviche is the first dish that comes to mind when thinking of Peruvian food, at least for nonnatives. That’s what some Short Order writers thought even before the white Styrofoam box was opened; they were in…

Dolphins Need John Gruden to Be Their Coach

Alex Izaguirre The only way Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross can salvage this season is if he convinces John Gruden to leave the Monday Night Football television booth. The former Tampa Bay Buccaneers head man is the only candidate out there who can come in and quickly fix the shit storm…

Overanxious Florida Republicans May Ensure Obama Win

​A Florida commission appointed by Republicans will likely vote today to move up the state’s Republican primary election to January 31.Though party muckety-mucks are still working on a compromise that could delay the election until February 21, the decision will probably create chaos.Given last week’s victory of Godfather’s Pizza founder…