UCF Gives Miami A One-Finger Salute

[ via the Orlando Sentinel The University of Central Florida may not have prevailed on the field against the Miami Hurricanes. But as you can see, they won big time in the obscene-gestures-caught-on-national-TV contest. The best Miami players could muster were some “L-on-the-forehead” loser signs when Joe Burnett — No…

Weekend Football: Streakin’?

The Dolphins (and hey, The Golden Panthers, too!) continued their surprising winning streak last weekend. Meanwhile the young Canes continued their heartbreaking streak of staggering greenness. Will the streaks continue for another week? That is why you tune in to find out. I am not a psychic. Sorry. Miami Dolphins…

A New Type of Fantasy Football League

Does not Miami deserve a football team that can bring us true glory, and not just the occasional feel good win? At the very least a team who would be enjoyable to watch whether they won or not. Enter The Miami Caliente (uh, The Miami “Hot”?), one of the inaugural…

No One Cares That Randy Shannon Keeps Losing

Randy Shannon has a 2-8 record in ACC play since he took the Cane’s reins last year, but it’s totally cool. The administration at UM is still lovey dovey over him. That’s what Shannon tells The Palm Beach Post: Shannon said Sunday he’s not feeling any pressure from UM President…

New-Look Dolphins Refuse To Stop Kicking Ass

For a second there, we all had the flashbacks. After Dan Carpenter missed that sure-fire 42 yard field goal, and then San Diego immediately marched down the field scored a TD a few minutes later, you thought “Well fuck me in the pants, here we go again.” You also thought…

Photos that won’t help the “MMA is not gay!” cause

In July, New Times columnist Elyse Wanshel opined that perhaps Mixed Martial Arts — that sport of sweat-drenched extreme dry-humping — is a tad bit homosexual. Diehard MMA fans, it turns out, weren’t exactly pleased (by the way, thanks for the anthrax!) Well, you’re all forgiven for doubting us. On…

Last Night: Kimbo Goes Down! Gina, Benji and Andrei Prevail!

Ivon David Rojas Kimbo Slice lost to replacement fighter Seth Petruzelli after 12 seconds. View part 1 and part 2 of the slideshow. EliteXC Heat October 4, 2008 BankAtlantic Center Better Than: The WWE and the WBA combined. By now you know: Kimbo Slice got knocked out at the BankAtlantic…

Weekend Football: Hold On

Last time we checked in with our lil’ football friends the Dolphins shocked the nation and had last week off, the Canes fell apart in the last quarter of a game they should have won, and the Golden Panthers won their first game of the season. So in two cases…

Joey Porter’s Solution To The Financial Crises: Grab A Shovel

via SI Enough about what our congressional delegates and candidates think about the financial crises. Is Ileana Ros-Lehtinen a three time Pro Bowl selection? Does Mario Diaz-Balart have a Super Bowl ring? Did Raul Martinez deliver the Patriot’s first regular season loss in 21 games? Nope. So what does Dolphins…

Pat Riley’s Worldwide Takeover Is Nearly Complete

With the NBA season a few weeks away comes yesterday’s news that Randy Pfund has resigned his position as general manager of the Miami Heat. All the right things were said via statements from both parties. Pfund thanked owner Mickey Arison and team president Pat Riley for “the opportunity.” Riley,…

Ping pong, or as the Chinese say: “Ping pong”

Since it became an Olympic Sport in 1988, America has never won a medal in table tennis. It’s the kind of thing that makes Eagles cry. All we really have to our credit is making the definitive movie of the sport, Balls of Fury. But that’s the effort of Hollywood,…

Escape Reality With Football

After what is sure to be a dramatic Presidential debate tonight, it’ll be relaxing to follow some contests where the winner won’t decide the fate of our nation. The dick sandwich servin’, pig flyin’ Dolphins have a bye this week, but the city’s two college teams should keep your mind…

Pigs Fly, Dolphins Hailed as Innovators of the NFL

To file under “Shit We Would Not Have Wagered A Single Nickel On One Week Ago”: In offices cluttered with Xs-and-Os and in pungent locker-rooms across America, the nation’s great offensive minds have been up late all week feverishly studying the latest mad geniuses of the National Football League. The…

One Of These Things Looks Like The Other

via Look Liker Look Liker, a very important website that exists solely to provide the valuable service of pointing out that from certain angles various persons of note somewhat resemble each other, brought us the news yesterday that Dolphins QB Chad Pennington sorta, kinda looks like reigning geek hero of…

The Dolphins Would Like to Invite the Naysayers to Eat a Dick Sandwich

The Miami Dolphins shocked the world Sunday, defeating the mighty New England Patriots in Foxboro 38-13. Ronnie Brown accounted for all five touchdowns, leading the previously hapless Fins in their Ike Turner-esque bitch slap of the Patriots in New England. The victory ended the Pats’ 21-regular season game winning streak…

Another Weekend Of Football Hell

Surveying the bleak desert that is football in this town each week is depressing, but Riptide took its Prozac. Outside of some sort of miracle, the Canes may be the only bright spot. Miami Dolphins @ New England Patriots (Sunday, 1 pm on CBS4) The National Football League is for…

The Heat Is On (For Another Rocky Season?)

Miami sports fans can be forgiven if they’ve already pulled out the brown paper bags, covered their heads and collapsed trembling into the fetal position for the rest of the month. The Marlins tanked in August. The Canes rolled over and died in Gainesville. And the Dolphins? May the good…

Dolphins Take On Cardinals

via Blue Buddies The ‘Canes and the Golden Panthers are both off this weekend so it falls to one team to embarrass Miami football fans. That’s one task the Dolphins might actually be up to. They’ll travel to Arizona to take on the Cardinals. The Cards haven’t won both of…

Warren Sapp is Classy

via Tampa Bay Former UM player and future “Dancing With The Stars” contestant Warren Sapp called UF Football Coach Urban Meyer “a classless dirtbag” earlier today. Some UM fans, Sapp said, are angry the Gators went for a field goal late in the fourth quarter of last weekend’s game in…

Judge Jeri Cohen Wins Election, Approves Ballpark. Sleazy?

Is it just me, or did anyone else in Miami-Dade connect Judge Jeri Cohen’s recent reelection and her decision to approve the Marlins ballpark as a “public purpose” on Tuesday. Cohen’s ruling was a model of contradictions, citing the Marlins refusal to make their finances public and the uselessness of…