Miami Is the Brazilian Butt-Lift Capital of America

In the words of Liberty City poet Trina: “Who got more ass than the average bitch? You know it’s the baddest bitch. Number ten in the face, slim in the waist, fat in the ass, do you want a taste?”Yes, Trina, apparently Miami does want a healthy serving of plump…

University of Miami Disciplines Student Group Protesting Overtown Project for Writing With Chalk on Sidewalk

The University of Miami is constructing a multimillion-dollar, state-of-the-art Life Science and Technology Park in the heart of the historically impoverished Overtown neighborhood near downtown Miami. But the project has been wrought with controversy. Neighborhood activists claim the project, built with public funding because it would create jobs, has not…

Heat Playoffs: Big Three Combine for 64 Points

It’s one thing to get obliterated by the Miami Heat’s Big Three and their skull crushing offense. But when they rock an opponent’s face off with some suffocating defense, well then you really got something.The Heat used their smothering D, combined with their usual badass O and took down the…

Fidel Castro Officially Done Leading Cuba’s Communist Party

​What’s the Cuban equivalent of Boca? And is there a Spanish-language version of “Thank You for Being a Friend” out there? If so, cue it up because Fidel is apparently headed for the land of Metamucil, 2 p.m. bingo games and that slow, lazy march toward death.Castro has announced in…

Jake Bernstein, Former New Times Staffer, Wins Pulitzer

We’re chugging Mad Dog at the New Times offices this afternoon in honor of an alum. Jake Bernstein, a former New Times staff writer whose work appeared in our pages from 1997 through 2002, has won a Pulitzer Prize for National Reporting. Now writing for non-profit investigative news agency ProPublica,…

Florida Mom Threatened to Kill Son For Not Getting Haircut

Something about being a mother makes a woman want to make sure than her male offspring have the neatest, tidiest hair possible. Usually when a son forgoes regular barbering it usually results in sighs of, “Fine, just walk around town with your hair all a mess and let everyone think…

Husband Comes Home to Find Wife Dead in Pool of Blood

Percy Palomino walked into his home in Southwest Miami-Dade at about 1 a.m. on Sunday only to find his wife, Elizabeth Palomino, dead laying in a pool of her own blood. Police are investigating the brutal murder, but so far have released no information on possible suspects of motives…