Whenever some overeager art eater tries to deep-throat 70-something gallery snacks in under an hour, you’ve just got to take him aside and say: “Dude, this isn’t the Coney Island Hotdog-Eating Contest. It’s Second Saturdays Art Walk. Take your time and savor the stuff.” Open wide, masticate carefully, and notice…
When Douglas Coupland coined the term Brazilification to describe the ever-widening gap between the rich and poor, we’re pretty sure he didn’t have Miami in mind. (Has that Canadian author ever visited the 305?) But we’d wager it’s the perfect term to describe our fine city. Donde esta the party…
In the first episode of Dexter, the grizzly Showtime hit, main killer, uh, main character, Dexter Morgan notes, “Miami is a great town. I love the Cuban food, pork sandwiches, my favorite, but I’m hungry for something different now.” Right on, Dexter. We like it here, too, but we’ll stick…
When the ‘Canes came charging out onto the field in 1987, they had a quarterback with almost zero battle experience. “There was one huge question mark on our football team,” says former Miami QB Steve Walsh. “And that was me.” So he practiced like a vet, busted balls, and he…
[jump] Name: Maria Fernanda. Occupation: Works for Y3 e-commerce. Describe your style: I like to be different. It’s also a little punk, but always feminine. Where are you from? Colombia. What do you like about your job? Not stressful at all. I can manage my time. Where are you hanging…
You motherfuckers should be ashamed of yourselves. A 69-year-old demigod of comedy comes to town and stages a four-day hostile takeover at the Improv, but still you can’t find the time or energy to step away from your reality TV and Twinkies? Shit … Seeing Paul Mooney — in person!…
Normally, August is nothing but a black hole for Miami art addicts. The streets get hotter than a sweat lodge on fire. The lurkers hide indoors. And almost half the city’s galleries shutter for summer vacation. But this year something strange is happening. The midsummer gallery season isn’t receding into…
We here at Cultist try to keep an open mind and we sure as shit don’t like to preach. So it pains us to say that training your toddler to “dagger” like a half-naked midget on meth is just plain WRONG. Sure, it might be the most hilarious party trick…
Strap on your helmet and start pedaling. No, not just the vegans in cut-off shorts with fixed-gear bikes, but all of you. Tomorrow’s is appropriate for cyclists of every type, shape, and size. Hosted by the Miami Beach Bicycle Center, it’s the longest running of its kind and welcomes two-wheeling…
Fashion Breakdown: Black French terry jacket, American Apparel blue top, biker pants from Alexandre Herchovitch, black boots and an “I’m Sorry We Are Broke” purse…
For those of us who still haven’t quit our jobs via an inflated, emergency slide with a cold beer in hand, it’s time to celebrate. The weekend is here, and you need to feel the joy in order to unravel your anger. You’ve spent a week letting people hit you…
Like a cackling alarm clock, Paul Mooney really knows how to wake a motherfucker up. On page seven of Mooney’s memoir, Black Is the New White, about his 40 years on the outer edge of Hollywood, he recalls: “I’m sliding into a booth in a coffee shop on Santa Monica…
Have you ever wondered what your parents were up to while you were away at sleepovers? If you haven’t even considered the thought, lest it involve disturbing images of blindfolds and whips, consider your parents among the fortunate ones. Because often, in those rare moments of calm between washing crayon…
A ‘Canes practice back in the ’80s was an epically brutal test that broke even the hardest asses. For proof, check out the latest deleted scene from Rakontur’s The U. You’ll hear kicker Carlos Huerta admit: “I basically was a punching bag out there for the first year. I wanted…
Last night, Kathy Griffin brought her special brand of expletive-ridden, Hollywood mockery to the Seminole Hard Rock Casino for a two-hour packed show. Yeah, so we called her an unfunny asshole for giving her one local interview to the Miami Herald. Did you really think we wouldn’t go?Anyway, last night,…
We reality show junkies have had an amazing summer. All the Real Housewives hoochies have kept it botoxed and dirty while those orange guidos from Jersey Shore have been a holy gift from baby Jesus himself. Here in the 305, though, our new fave is Bad Girls Club Miami. Now,…
Holy Lord, the Miami Book Fair International 2010 author lineup has been announced, and it is off the chain. For the literati out there, that translates to “It’s outstanding!” Not that last year was too shabby, with amazing presentations by Native American funny-man and brilliant storyteller Sherman Alexie, “the reason…
Back in the ’70s, Paul Mooney dug up nuggets of comedy genius as a writer for shows like The Richard Pryor Show, Sanford and Son, and Saturday Night Live. In 1987, he opened for Eddie Murphy’s Raw tour. He invented In Living Color’s Homey D. Clown, and played both Negrodamus…
You may have missed this Top 10 list telling you why you should head to Transit Lounge for live music this month, and if so, consider this a shameless plug. But if not, then you no doubt already noticed that one Miami’s favorite local bands, Locos Por Juana, is officially…
Even a couple of years ago, when he was laid up in a hospital bed with a kidney ailment, Purvis Young never quit railing against the injustices that fueled his work. In the summer of 2008, Miami’s best-known artist told New Times that the presidential primaries were providing fertile fodder…
Wynwood gets “Dadarhea” at O.H.W.O.W.
Get Low: A hermit’s life-affirming, predeath funeral
