You just spent Christmas Day opening presents, and instead of that sweet MacBook you wanted, your parents got you a Dell, a poor person’s PC. Why do they hate you so much? Don’t they understand the status symbol of a Mac evokes greatness as you pretend to write the next…
This is the time of year when animal gift-giving is at an all-time high. When kids ask, “How much is that doggy in the window?” and parents across the country bend to their offspring’s transparent hinting and purchase said canine. Hell, Paris Hilton probably opened a couple of brightly wrapped…
On second thought, how great is Phish? How ambitious, how audience-centric, how highly conceptual, how dedicated; in other words, how anti-indie rock. How anti-“just got hyped to the gills based on one show at SXSW.” How anti-“their first album was so much better.” How anti-“playing music to sleep with chicks…
One of the best things about South Florida is that, thanks to the weather, pretty much any summer sport can be enjoyed year-round. Of course, if you’re into skiing, that’s one of the not-so-great things. But as it stands, it’s a big reason why the area produces so many standout…
If you missed Jennine Capó Crucet’s reading at this year’s Miami Book Fair, don’t worry — you weren’t alone. The room filled up so fast with people wanting to hear the Miami-born and -bred author that a lot of us were turned away at the door. This Monday at 8…
Big-band music swings like Muhammad Ali in his prime, like Austin Powers at an orgy. So, what do you call a guy who began his career playing bar mitzvahs in Jersey, dropped out of college to drum for Bruce Springsteen’s E Street Band, followed Conan O’Brien to The Tonight Show…
Even if you haven’t played a videogame since the original Tetris (you know who you are), it’s obvious that technology in gaming and film has come a long way. Now games have become sophisticated works of art and employ the same advanced 3-D technology used in films. That’s why the…
So they think they can dance. Well, of course they do — they’re professionals. This week, actual dancers from around the globe (and not reality TV, hoofin’ hacks) descend on Miami for WinterFest 2009, a weeklong program of hip-hop, modern, ballet, and Latin dance performances and workshops sponsored by the…
The Houston Texans have been a major pain in the Miami Dolphins’ ass the past three seasons. In 2006, Houston got a two-point victory thanks to a pair of David Carr (David F*%$ing Carr!) touchdowns. In 2007, Texans DT Travis Johnson nearly decapitated Fins QB Trent Green when Green tried…
Remember when Jermaine O’Neal was a Miami Heat killer? There was nothing worse than showing up to the American Airlines Arena and seeing that #7 Indiana Pacers jersey, because you knew that night the Heat were taking a loss. From the 2000-01 season, the year the Pacers acquired O’Neal from…
The last thing you should do this Saturday is head to Churchill’s after 9 p.m. and pay $5 to hear the Jacuzzi Boys. They’re supposedly the new blood in a tradition of Florida garage rock that goes back to the ’60s, when real bands like the Montells, Evil, and the…
It’s both maddeningly unreal and oddly respectful: Since his father’s death, Tito Puente Jr. has been touring the country, entertaining audiences with El Rey’s plethora of tuneskis accrued over decades of playing. Can Sean Lennon play his dad’s music and get away with it? Perhaps a man can’t choose his…
Steve Beck is no stranger to tilting at windmills. For the past four months, he’s been struggling to dose his patch of Krome Avenue with an edgy art vibe, and his gamble might pay off with “Interviews Under the Influence,” a group show featuring six locals working in a diversity…
Even if Santa didn’t bring you the 50-foot yacht you asked for (for the 19th year in a row!), you can still spend the day after Christmas ebbin’ and flowin’ on the high seas with a pretty lady. The Venetian Lady, that is. So pack your bowl full of kush…
Don’t do it. Don’t pile high that umpteenth serving of Christmas leftovers. Don’t press play on your lonely, weekend-long holiday film fest. Don’t spend a perfectly good Saturday watching the tree die its slow, sad death. Don’t stay home. Get out. Get a life. Get Bizzle. This Saturday, beat your…
Bing Crosby, sugar-plum fairies, Dad carving the turkey — bah-freaking-humbug. Are you the type of person who wants to smash your neighbor’s Christmas lights because the glow keeps you awake? Does Nat King Cole’s “Christmas Song” make you want to set something ablaze? If so, we have the perfect cure…
Yesterday’s list on pop culture showcased how the mass media and the world see Miami, but today’s list of cultural moments of the decade focuses on the artistic forces that help Miami see the world. Few cities on any map saw such a dramatic growth spurt in culture in this…
Detroit has cars. Los Angeles has movies. Pittsburgh has steel. Miami has… reality show stars? Since the advent of reality, we’ve played the backdrop for some truly appaling television. Miamians who think they can dance have recently been ordered to file into the Adrienne Arsht Center on January 18. And now Extreme…
Miami made leaps and bounds in establishing its own culture this decade. You know, the respectable kind with art and music and literature, and all of that, but you wouldn’t know it looking at the reflections of the Magic City in pop culture this decade. We’re still the pastel paradise…
For a March cover story entitled “Pork Pirates”, New Times journeyed deep into the weird farmlands of Northwest Miami-Dade County to document the area’s rampant illegal slaughter industry. We watched an unlicensed butcher bust a cap in a hog’s head, met a farmer named Manuel Coto who claimed he had…
When Glenn Terry started a satirical parade called the King Mango Strut in 1982, life was more simple. He plopped down two cardboard boxes at the end of a street with signs that read, “Closed for Parade.” And people in Coconut Grove marched.Things have changed. For the first year ever — as…
This week’s New Times story “The Golf Porn Incident” is a saga of soiled throw pillows, butt-focused putting, smut for a buck- and some very angry, but equally tight-lipped, Fisher Island officials. Apparently, unwittingly renting your condo to a Bang Bros. porn film crew can go a long way in…
