The best thing about having kids? You’re excused from the horrendous obligation known as “New Year’s Eve.” No paying double at clubs just because they’ll be handing out kazoos and silver balloons. No awkward moments when a co-worker attempts to position himself next to you for an unwanted New Year’s…
Thanks to whatever changes in the gaming and racing laws (it’s hard to keep track), there’s finally a pseudo-casino within City of Miami limits: The Magic City Casino. It’s in a new building on the site of the old Flagler Dog Track, in that west-ish area of the county between…
Every time I look at Propaganda’s web site and see the drink specials and cheap prices, I want to crawl up inside it and stay. Unfortunately that’s not an option, as I have to report to offices in the counties south of Palm Beach. But if you live in northern…
Why is it that everyone expects New Year’s Eve to be so awesome when the preceding 364 days sucked so hard? Maybe all this emphasis on the End is just some banal expression of Western Civilization’s apocalyptic mindset. Or maybe we’re all a bunch of overstimulated creeps incapable of enjoying…
Do you find yourself scrambling for something to do every year on New Years Eve? Are you one of those people calling around at the last moment, “Hey! Is so-and-so finally having a party?” and “Hey! So what are you finally doing?” Well, you could end up at a lame…
If ever there were a night made for the kind of brain-bashing mayhem that results in permanent memory loss, it’d be Saturday. And if ever there were a punk club made for the kind of epic Saturdays you’d totally love to remember, it’d be Churchill’s Pub. No shock, then, this…
Back in 2000, Miami New Times declared the Square Egg the best new rap act in town. And this Friday, we get to bask in the glory of our prediction, for even though Square Egg absconded to Brooklyn to pursue its dreams, it’s still a Miami band. Why else head…
They say Tony Bennett’s voice is responsible for more flooding in the U.S.A. than any rainstorm in recorded history. When Bennett plays Miami, Biscayne Bay gets jealous. Why? Because when Tony says hello, all the women’s panties get wet. When he says, “How do you do?” their ears vibrate with…
Just because you are still recovering from the hangover incurred on New Year’s Eve doesn’t mean you need to spend the rest of the weekend in bed. Take advantage of the fact that you are enjoying an extra-long weekend. Trust us — Miami nightlife isn’t going to wait for your…
When jam band Phish took over the American Airlines Arena four nights in a row, we never expected the city to turn into a neo-psychedelia mecca. But the high seems to have lasted long after Phish and its phans left town, courtesy of the six-day Jam Cruise setting sail from…
Every year, the New Times editorial staff picks the people who brought a certain amount of shame to our city. Trust us, we’re never in short supply of morons who we wish would move elsewhere. We contemplated in making this a baker’s dozen but in keeping with tradition we kept…
Here’s a present for all you music lovers and North Miami residents, and especially for you North Miami music lovers.The Museum of Contemporary Art (770 NE 125th St., North Miami) is not letting Santa or Jesus or New Song stand in the way of its mission to bring great jazz…
Tree of Paradise: Jewish Mosaics From the Roman Empire Through January 24. Lowe Art Museum, 1301 Stanford Dr., Coral Gables; 305-284-3535; lowemuseum.org. Tuesday through Saturday 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. and Sunday noon to 4 p.m. French Army Capt. Ernest de Prudhomme merely wanted his back yard dug up for…
Did You Hear About the Morgans?: Now playing
Another Night Before Christmas By Sean Grennan and Leah Okimoto. Through December 27. Actors’ Playhouse at the Miracle Theatre, 280 Miracle Mile, Coral Gables; 305-444-9293; actorsplayhouse.org Creators of bantamweight AOR musical Married Alive return to reinvigorate a Christmas classic — only this iteration of the poem involves a large and…
It’s Complicated: Nancy Meyers can’t keep making the same movie over and over again
Dzine and La Coleccion Jumex at the Bass Museum
Magic City Kitty: I give good head. Just not to him!
PETA would probably make Jay Phillips out to be a villain for his joke about the harmonic sound of a dog being kicked, but we just like to call him funny. His canine karate work aside, Phillips is the type of comedian who uses his face and body for a…
Twas the night before Christmas and your whole damn family is in the house. There isn’t a corner to escape to — not even the dog house. So what to do when Uncle Mike tunes up the kazoo? Hightail it to Cameo for the 23rd annual Matzo Ball, a party…
If you’re on Collins Avenue between now and February 21 and you see a bicycle roll by decorated with 24-karat gold spikes, Swarovski crystals, nickel plating, and giant speakers, call the police. That’s not just any custom job; that’s the work of Carlos Rolon, AKA Dzine, and it’s been stolen…
Because your next 12 months undoubtedly will be filled with a new crop of reality stars you’ll love to hate, why not spend the night with one you’re familiar with? Brody Jenner, of The Hills and stepbro to the Kardashian Klan, will host nightlife and lifestyle website Joonbug.com’s fete, with…
