12 Rounds

Renny Harlin has an unjustly terrible reputation, but with the right material (Deep Blue Sea, Mindhunters), he’s very good at delivering stylish, knowingly ludicrous entertainment — that is, if he goes for hard R material, like the lurid deaths that fuel his best films. 12 Rounds is a wan PG-13…

Florida Takes Ax to the Arts

I guess that “Florida: State of the Arts” license plate is especially ironic now. The National Assembly of Arts reports Florida has made the most dramatic cuts to art funding in fiscal year 2009, so far. After four years of increases, total funding fell by $11.6 million. Programs supporting public…

Mature bachelors: Send this lovelorn lady your resumé

(Full disclosure: Yes, we’re blogging about an advertiser, but only because we find it supremely entertaining. The graft has nothing to do with it.) The woman to the right is Beverly, and she’s tired of going on a few dates with a man only to discover he’s actually not a…

Kitty Says Man Up!

Hello, Kitty: Two weeks ago, my girl came down from Orlando to visit for the weekend. I was stoked to spend time with her because we’ve been in a long-distance relationship since January and have seen each other only six times since then. I made plans for us to do…

Art Capsules

NeoHooDoo: Art for a Forgotten Faith Through May 24. Miami Art Museum, 101 W Flagler St., Miami; 305-375-3000; miamiartmuseum.org. Tuesday through Friday 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday noon to 5 p.m. It’s impossible to imagine a better city than ours as a host for the mojo-manic exhibit…

I Love You, Man

Just as we thought the “bromantic comedy” had overstayed its welcome, the genre reaches its high point with writer-director John Hamburg’s best film yet. The subtext is finally the text — it’s right there in the title. It delivers an absolutely complete, fully realized, delightfully novel redo of the hoariest…

Soul Sister Love

Your girls’-nights-in have been fun, but it’s time for you and your collective of fierce females to take a night out. And this time you won’t need to rustle up dollars for Vince Black and Sage at Goldfellas. Support another group of women today by showing up at the SWAN…

Shake Your Pom Poms

Their job is to excite stadiums full of screaming football fanatics. And week after week, clad in teeny tiny uniforms, they do just that. No, not the guys hawking the cotton candy – the Miami Dolphins cheerleaders. Guys love ’em, (some) girls wanna be ’em, and everyone must admit that…

Bon Appetit for Cheap

Your wallet is telling you to eat in. Your savings account is begging you to break out the Tupperware and bring your lunch to work instead of ordering that $8 ham and cheese sandwich. But your belly is clamoring for something elegant and skillfully prepared, so feed it, Seymour. Only…

Spongebob Pajamapants

You know that match.com commercial where the woman promises her beau that she’ll never wear flannel pajamas, and he asks her to just promise to never wear pajamas at all? Those two aren’t welcome at West End Park today from 3 to 7 p.m. While the hipsters are out getting…

Unique Auto Sports Spreads It’s Lamborghini Doors to Miami

You’ve watched Will Castro trick out Lebron James’ 2003 Hummer H2 and pimped Jeff Gordon’s Monte Carlo on the Speed Channel’s hit show, “Unique Whips,” and now South Florida is getting the opportunity to put some shiny rims on our Toyotas. The new 40,000 square foot customization shop features a…

Dolphin Shorts, Optional

There are few souls more energetic than fitness legend Richard Simmons. In fact, I’m sure that he’s a life-sized jumping bean. Seriously. Have you seen this video? He’s known for his dolphin shorts and curly fro, but his commitment to health and fitness for regular folk is what he’ll go…

Don’t Be A Wise Guy, Meet a Wise Guy

The series finale of The Sopranos left much to the imagination. Did someone come in and blow Tony and company away in a hail of machine-gun fire? Was that creepy guy the one who would finally put the boss to sleep with the fishes? Did Carmella order the Caprese salad?…

Go Green

In classical mythology, the cornucopia was a horn broken off from Amalthaea, a goat who raised the god Zeus, and whoever possessed it had access to an endless supply of fruits, vegetables, and presumably micro-brews. You may not be able to get your hands on that horn, but you can…

Ball to the Future

Today’s NBA stars can leave us jaded, what with their millions and their giant egos and their incessant Twittering and their unfunny interviews where the only way any we can understand any of it is if we’re fluent in Mumble. But before they became household names, most NBA stars were…

Make Like Mozart

Just how gangster was Joannes Chrysostomus Wolfgangus Theophilus Mozart? He composed his first piece of music at 4 years old. At 14, he stole a sacred piece of music from the Vatican by writing it down from memory after hearing it just once. He told off archbishops to their faces…

Big Drops, Hot Grease, and Tigers

We’ve been kicked off the cable cars for spitting on the little heads 50 feet below, smoked out on the ferris wheel, tripped acid on the Gravitron, and gotten laid in the parking lot. But the Miami-Dade County Fair & Exposition is not just for kids. This year, for the…

No Need to Forge a Check Tonight

With all due respect to the country’s financial woes, we’re sick of the bitching and moaning. Pinch pennies, conserve energy, and stretch dollars on your own time, America — we’ve been struggling for years and now we have to push past even more people at the bar when we want…

Jim is Ignoring Us, Too

Oh, goodness, Jim! Look how the month has passed and I’ve nearly forgotten all about seeing the New Theatre’s performance of Tennessee Williams’s classic 1946 play The Glass Menagerie, and wouldn’t you know it — this is the last weekend! I’ve just been sitting here in my room, watching how…

Feed Us, Seymour

Sundays are for lovers. Festival lovers, that is. A good one will make you want to peel yourself from your favorite loafing spot and yank on some elastic-waist pants so you can roam from booth to booth inhaling foods wrapped in wax paper or served in cardboard boats fit for…