If you dig satanists, blind albinos, and Mick Jagger, then you’ll absolutely love Kenneth Anger’s Invocation of My Demon Brother. Made in the very dark year of 1969, it’s an awesomely evil 11-minute masterpiece that stars Anger, Anton LaVey (AKA the High Priest of the Church of Satan), Charlie Manson…
Like black mold, there’s something strange creeping into our sacred civic institutions. Imagine for a minute that the Miami Art Museum floods with swamp sludge and the walls bloom spotty fungal murals. Local weirdos — Kevin Arrow, Jim Drain, Guerra de la Paz, Adler Guerrier, Beatriz Monteavaro, Frances Trombly, and…
When Carlos Mencia first brought racist road signs, Peter Boyle reading hate mail, and terrorist snacks to the American television audience in July 2005, certain critics slagged him as Comedy Central’s cheap replacement for Dave Chappelle. No doubt, there were a few too many similarities between Mind of Mencia and…
How many human beings can safely surf on a floating cluster of liquid bubbles? If a new group show at the Dorsch Gallery is any kind of sea test, our thoroughly unscientific estimate might be 24 artists and one curator. Loosely borrowing its concept from microstructural experiments by Nobel laureates…
Doesn’t it suck when you go audition for serious cable drama and your face ends up in somebody else’s crotch? With six drinks, three Quaaludes, a paycheck, and some half-clever editing, it could happen to you! OK, not really. Here’s a tip to all the Brookes of the world: When…
Almost every day, you wake up at noon, chomp down a big bowl of Cap’n Crunch, and watch a few hours of trash TV. Then you invariably skip your midday shower and forget to shave while bumming around the house in an old pair of unwashed sweatpants, stanky poncho, and…
In part one of Cultist’s interview with Demetri Martin, you learned the salacious truth about the Jersey joker and his young, eager groupies. “The closest thing I have to a groupie is a teenage guy who wants to be a comedian and wants to talk about being a comedian,” Mr…
The losers spend ninth grade playing video games, doing bong hits, and fitfully daydreaming about that pretty girl with the clean fingernails in social sciences. Meanwhile, the winners are playing football, doing the running man to mass applause, and fielding flagrantly inappropriate scholarship offers from major universities. Needless to say,…
How awesome would it have been if comedian Demetri Martin were our fifth-grade teacher? Maybe then we would’ve grown up to be entertaining, witty, and interesting. But instead God gave us Mr. Wiener, some bald jerk with a lazy eye who seemed to hate children almost as much as he…
If you dig satanists, blind albinos, and Mick Jagger, you’ll absolutely love Kenneth Anger’s Invocation of My Demon Brother. Made in the very dark year of 1969, this awesomely evil 11-minute masterpiece stars Anger, Anton LaVey (AKA the High Priest of the Church of Satan), Charlie Manson sidekick Bobby Beausoleil,…
When advertising gurus retire, they often slip into a life of dirty martinis at noon, six packs of cigarettes per day, and screaming matches with shitty TV commercials. But not Mike Tesch. After decades spent hoarding a half-thousand ad awards, being named to AdWeek’s All-American Creative Team, and creating iconic…
From Capone to Scarface to the Cocaine Cowboys, Miami’s history is chock-a-block with criminal legends that blur the boundary between fact and fiction. Too often, the true crime has been so brutal and unreal that it seems lifted from the silver screen. Conversely, blockbusters and documentaries play like the evening…
If you decide to spend your summer vacation in Carl Hiassen’s unbearably sunny, superpastel imaginary South Beach, please remember to protect yourself. You will need to wear sunglasses, a wide-brimmed hat, two condoms, and a bulletproof vest. Why? ’Cause Hiassen’s latest beach book, Star Island, is a lurid literary trap…
Just in case you’re too lazy to pry your ass off the couch and go grab a hard copy of New Times, we here at Cultist do this thing every Wednesday that we like to call “This Week in Print.” Basically, we do the skimming so you can do the…
Certain secret societies require prospective members to take a blood oath, sacrifice a non-essential body part, and sign away all their worldly possessions. But the Bas Fisher Invitational only asks $16 and the ability to make funny faces. Meet those minimums and you’re an approved part of the Weird Miami…
Whenever some overeager art eater tries to deep-throat 70-something gallery snacks in under an hour, you’ve just got to take him aside and say: “Dude, this isn’t the Coney Island Hotdog-Eating Contest. It’s Second Saturdays Art Walk. Take your time and savor the stuff.” Open wide, masticate carefully, and notice…
When the ‘Canes came charging out onto the field in 1987, they had a quarterback with almost zero battle experience. “There was one huge question mark on our football team,” says former Miami QB Steve Walsh. “And that was me.” So he practiced like a vet, busted balls, and he…
You motherfuckers should be ashamed of yourselves. A 69-year-old demigod of comedy comes to town and stages a four-day hostile takeover at the Improv, but still you can’t find the time or energy to step away from your reality TV and Twinkies? Shit … Seeing Paul Mooney — in person!…
Normally, August is nothing but a black hole for Miami art addicts. The streets get hotter than a sweat lodge on fire. The lurkers hide indoors. And almost half the city’s galleries shutter for summer vacation. But this year something strange is happening. The midsummer gallery season isn’t receding into…
We here at Cultist try to keep an open mind and we sure as shit don’t like to preach. So it pains us to say that training your toddler to “dagger” like a half-naked midget on meth is just plain WRONG. Sure, it might be the most hilarious party trick…
Like a cackling alarm clock, Paul Mooney really knows how to wake a motherfucker up. On page seven of Mooney’s memoir, Black Is the New White, about his 40 years on the outer edge of Hollywood, he recalls: “I’m sliding into a booth in a coffee shop on Santa Monica…
A ‘Canes practice back in the ’80s was an epically brutal test that broke even the hardest asses. For proof, check out the latest deleted scene from Rakontur’s The U. You’ll hear kicker Carlos Huerta admit: “I basically was a punching bag out there for the first year. I wanted…
