On Tuesday, LeBron James released a freestyle rap. Last night, he released the frickin’ kraken on the entire Bucks’ buttocks. On numerous occasions in the first half, LeBron unleashed some of the best dunks you will see all year, flying, reversing, and tomahawking his way to the rim seemingly whenever…
Meet your new and improved 2014 Miami Marlins! Now with 100 percent less Logan Morrison but the same great taste! The good news is that improving upon the tire fire that was the 100-loss 2013 Marlins shouldn’t be too much of a task. The bad news is that the Ponzi…
After last week’s loss to the Pacers, most people assumed the race for the first seed was over. Many predicted it would be very likely the Heat would just turtle into some sort of pre-playoff cocoon, content with the second seed in the East. Last Wednesday’s loss to the Pacers…
Meet your new and improved 2014 Miami Marlins! Now with 100 percent less Logan Morrison but with the same great taste! As Marlins fans get ready for tonight’s home opener against the Rockies, they really should be used to the drill. The Ponzi scheme that was owner Jeffry Loria’s 2012…
It’s not often something really sucks and is really fun at the same time, but last night’s Pacers-Heat showdown was both of those things. And you get a feeling it was just round one. The Pacers edged out a 84-83 win versus Miami in a heated, physical, playoff-caliber game in…
Big bleepin’ happy birthday, Chris Bosh. In case you’re wondering how the most interesting man in the NBA celebrated turning 30, it began with a circus-themed party at downtown burlesque club E11even full of naked ladies, cigars, and raining money, and then continued Sunday with a game-saving, last-second block to…
To celebrate its 8th birthday, Twitter has launched a site that lets users look up their first ever tweet, thus pinpointing the exact moment when you became less productive at work. Twitter has been clogged ever since with people reliving just how bad they were at tweeting when they first…
The lone bright spot in just a terribly annoying Miami Heat 101-96 loss to the Boston Celtics Wednesday night was the return of your boy Udonis Haslem. With LeBron James sitting out the game with back spasms, and Greg Oden sitting out on a scheduled day off, UD got the…
LeBron James returned to his old home last night, and he didn’t bother knocking. No, no, he kicked in the door, walked directly to the Cavs’ refrigerator, ate their last snack pack, took a massive Hiroshima dump in their bathroom, asked for their Wi-Fi password, and downloaded a bunch of…
Who do you turn to when you’ve lost your way? Jesus. Because Jesus Shuttlesworth saves. It was Sunday after all. Ray Allen, AKA “Jesus Shuttlesworth,” held a come to Jesus meeting Sunday afternoon, scoring 14 of his Miami Heat career high 25 points in the decisive fourth quarter of the…
Nets 96, Heat 95. Now that we have covered the game, let’s talk about more important things, like what the hell LeBron James was doing with his feet last night. People instantly realized something weird was going on, namely that every time LeBron took a step, a flash of light…
The Miami Marlins are back! In Jupiter! Wait, don’t leave! There are a couple of things you might want to keep an eye on between Heat games and Dolphins TMZ Sports news. The Marlins aren’t entering the 2014 season with many expectations, or much hype, and real baseball is still…
Tied with Washington entering the fourth quarter, the Miami Heat was on the brink of losing its fourth straight game for the first time since 2010. Just then, Dwyane Wade swooped in and put his foot directly in that possibility’s ass. Wade scored 13 of his 22 points in the…
Ayyyyyyy dios mio! The Los Spurs dropped a biblical ass whooping on El Heat Thursday night in San Antonio, 111-87. No, no, NO me gusta! The Heat were sloppy all night, committing 20 turnovers. When you commit 20 turnovers against the Spurs, it doesn’t have to be Latin night for…
Happy belated Birthday, Burnie! Burnie, the Miami Heat mascot, celebrated his birthday with Heat fans during the Heat-Magic game Saturday night. Festivities before the game included bounce houses, face painting, inflatables, rides, interactive games and more. The first 5,000 kids in attendance Saturday night got a “Burnie face on a…
Welp, that wasn’t as fun as Monday. The Heat lost a total setup of a hangover game 106-103 to the Houston Rockets Monday night. Asking the Heat to follow LeBron’s 61 point game less than 24 hours later felt a lot like the camera panning from Kendrick Lamar and Imagine…
Just when you thought it was safe to watch a random Monday night Heat versus the Bobcats game, LeBron explodes for 61 points, punting you, naked and riding a unicorn, directly into the sun. Dammit LeBron, my wife is gonna kill me. She loves unicorns. You know you had a…
The Miami Marlins are back! In Jupiter! Wait, don’t leave! I’ve got a couple things that you may want to keep an eye on in between Miami Heat games and Miami Dolphins TMZ Sports news. The Marlins aren’t entering the 2014 season with many expectations, nor much hype, but there…
Sometimes games don’t live up to the hype. This was not one of those instances. After LeBron James broke his nose last week against the Oklahoma City Thunder, it was pretty much expected that LeBron would be stuck with an ugly face mask for the foreseeable future. Not exactly. Turns…
It’s that time of year again. The time of year where the Miami Heat pick up a player for next to nothing, insert said discounted player in the perfect role, and a few months later ask that player what ring size he prefers. It’s a Miami Heat summer tradition, like…
It’s hard to believe it’s been four years since LeBron James took his talents to South Beach, but here we are. The Miami Heat’s Big Three have been more entertaining than any of us could have imagined — and not just because they’ve dominated on the court. From Chris Bosh’s…
Even without LeBron, the Heat proved Sunday they can still dish out the L’s. Dwyane Wade showed America exactly why the Internet has given him his newest nickname: “Chef Wade.” He baked up that good ya’ll-musta-forgot cake Sunday afternoon meal. The ingredients included: 23 points, 10 rebounds, seven assists, two…
