What exactly is an X-Factor? An unknown factor in our algebra II class that was only slightly less infuriating than y? The spot on a map where a pirate’s booty is buried? An element a starlet has to take into consideration before dating John Mayer? Or is it something that…
Have you ever dreamed of popping your junk to live performances by Dionne Warwick, Pharrell Williams, and Pittbull’s “Gasolina”? All while wearing seven different layers of clothing including a pair of Tinkerbell wings you’ve awkwardly wrapped around your chest in an artsy-attempt at makeshift shall? And have you ever dreamed…
You dirty freaks. Who decided to start a Twitter meme for #PornSitcoms and not alert us immediately of its existence? The concept of this particular meme is to take the names of television sitcoms and cleverly tweak them so they sound like possible porn titles. For instance, we’ll take out…
Sure, James Franco is hot. Super hot. And hey, when an actor’s been involved with projects like Freaks and Geeks, Spider Man, Milk, Howl, and Pineapple Express (we’ll just pretend like Eat, Pray, Love and Tristan & Isolde never happened), it’s easy to like them. Because those are all cool…
Last night’s episode of Real Housewives of Miami was like freebasing Ambien and glitter. It was half Sand Man-approved snore-fest and half WTF?. Seriously, we’re hoping that next week’s 90-minute season finale includes wig pulling, table flipping, or Elsa with an electronic cigarette in tow. Hell, we’ll even settle for…
Elsa Patton, the true star of the Real Housewives of Miami, seems to have taken a break from cackling over a bubbling cauldron filled with vodka to prevent the steam from melting off her face start her very own Twitter page and to fork over some personal, pre-op photos of…
There are a lot of things we’d like to ask Kathy Griffin. What part of your body hasn’t been professionally assessed by a plastic surgeon? What really happened to your first assistant, Jessica? Who’s better in bed: Jack Black, Steve Wozniak, or the Old Spice Guy? But we can’t, because…
Throngs of coeds with duffel bags (or garbage bags — we know how it is in college, we don’t judge) packed full of thongs are about to embark on South Beach for spring break. Whoo! And although the saying “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” applies to Sin City,…
Last night’s Real Housewives of Miami episode was pumped full of a lot of the same: Larsa complains about nannies, Cristy complains about Lea, both agree Lea’s sense of style is not cute. Lea goes shopping with a friend and reveals the way she tries on clothing — over the…
Today is Everything You Think Is Wrong Day. And everything we’ve learned thus far about Elsa Patton, the real star of the Real Housewives of Miami, is completely false. Yes lies, ALL LIES! But step back from that cliff’s ledge, my friend, in honor of today’s holiday, we’ve decided to…
We suppose the homeless herds who graze in South Beach’s Lummus Park — a small stretch of greenery that separates Ocean Drive from the actual ocean — are going to have to pack up their shopping carts and loiter elsewhere from 1 to 4 p.m. on Wednesday. Victoria’s Secret’s PINK…
Ever been to a big music festival and after hours of booze, junk food, and blazing sun, felt like you needed to get your chi in check? In the past, you might have drunkenly laid atop a tie-dyed blanket hoping to savasana your way back to sanity. But at this…
Miami is all about having a front. Things are rarely what they seem, especially in The Real Housewives of Miami. So we’re going to translate last night’s episode the best we can. Think of it as Real Housewives of Miami for Dummies, because we feel dumber for watching this show…
What exactly is an X-Factor? An unknown factor in our algebra II class that was only slightly less infuriating than y? The spot on a map where a pirate’s booty is buried? An element a starlet has to take into consideration before dating John Mayer? Or is it something that…
Oh, Wanda. What can I say? Or, better yet, how can I say it nicely? Last night at the Fillmore Miami Beach, you strutted out on stage, all Saturday Night Fever style, decked out in all white and beaming with confidence. The audience wanted to smother you in adoration. Why…
Hey Hialeah, We know you’re proud. We get it. And you have every right to be, but here’s an idea: If you’re going to defend yourself against a classless comment made by a cast member on The Real Housewives of Miami, maybe you should do it with class.This morning, on…
Why do we love Dogs Playing Poker and Spaghetti Cat? Because we think it’s funny when inferior animals try to mimic our superior human ways. Especially when they’re trying to do things that require a thumb — which only us, the mighty homo sapiens (and okay, maybe another smelly primate…
Doug Benson, Adam Carolla, and Wanda Sykes talk weed, girls, and Hawaiians
She’s hard to watch, is a doody-head, and you can smell her B.O. through a television screen. Syke! Okay, now that we’ve got all the third graders’ attention, let’s talk some Wanda Sykes. She looks as cuddly as a koala bear but has a dry, sarcastic comedic timing that snaps…
Last night’s Oscars was a total snooze-fest. No shockers, all the winners were predictable, and host, Anne Hathaway, stood on stage all night like a jittery but beautiful bobble-head nervously attempting to pick up the charisma-slack for her co-host, James Franco, who was about as exciting as a movie called…
Adam Carolla, the offspring of a special needs school teacher and “a welfare-food-stamp-depression-kind-of -70s-sit-around-the-house” mom, is anything but boring. His career accomplishments include his stint as the Pinky to Dr. Drew’s Brain on Loveline, drunkenly watching girls bounce on trampolines with Jimmy Kimmel on The Man Show, and he is…
Finally, there’s a place to wear your new Budweiser T-shirt now that the KISS Country Chili Cookoff is over. Come Saturday, the NASCAR-owned Grand-Am Rolex Sports Car Series, Grand Prix of Miami, will zip into the Homestead-Miami Speedway. Now, if that’s not news that makes you want to jump up,…
