Ass your only asset? Check! Spoiled princess? Check! Have a slutty celebutante friend you can use to get in front of paparazzi lenses? Check! Now all you need to complete your transformation into a mindless sex object is finding a washed up pop star’s little brother to piss on you…

Do you love Italian cuisine but think all the ricotta and mozzarella leave you with cottage cheese thighs? Do you enjoy serving your family delicious, home-cooked meals in your foreclosed home? Do you have a normal human hairline but wish it were a bit more ape-like? Good news, because one…

A lot of teens must be getting knocked up nowadays (thanks MTV!), because the Social Security Administration has released their 2010 list of the most popular American baby names and ranked at #1 are two Twilight character’s names —  Isabella for girls and Jacob for boys — holding their place…

This Thursday through Tuesday, find true amore at the fifth annual Romance in a Can Film Festival (RIAC). See the crème de la crème of swoon-worthy European films at Miami’s intimate art houses the Colony Theatre, Miami Beach Cinematheque, and Coral Gables Art Cinema. The fest begins Thursday with a…

Chilean coal miners, stop your bitching! The most thankless job belongs to an office administrator. They’re usually bogged down by mindless tasks, which everyone else (even the interns) feel too important to do, and are often considered the outcast in most office hierarchies. But you know, it’s the administrator’s fault…

Kids are fun to screw with. Not in a creepy come- on-over-to-my-white-van-I-got-some-yummy-candy-for-you kind of way but in a “Santa Claus totally exists,” “babies come from storks,” “you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up” kind of way. Messing with their underdeveloped and impressionable minds, then watching…

Are you a Miranda (a cynical feminist), a Charlotte (a hopeless romantic), or a Samantha (a shameless slut)? Because you’re an actual, breathing human being and not a fictional, one-dimensional female stereotype, you likely don’t identify with any of these Sex and the City characters. You probably think of yourself…

In honor of fun we decided to play a little game with Google Image. We decided to Google three distinct terms  “pot head”, “stoner”, and just to be as specific as possible, “marijuana enthusiast.” All three images, although delightfully amusing in their own special ways, featured one undeniable trend –…

Who doesn’t wish it was Saturday already so you could sleep in and snuggle with your best friend, Pistachio the cat and read your “Love and Work: 25 Years of Cathy Comic Strips” book? Such a morning is much dreamier than going to your shit job as a receptionist at…

Today is International Beaver Day! And what does that mean? Who cares! As soon as we saw the term “International Beaver Day” we automatically chuckled like Beavis and Butthead because, heh, beavers are a small furry mammal, heh, forever associated with a chick’s heheheheh, uh, Metallica rocks!  Heheh. And why…

You might not know Tommy Davidson by name, but as soon as you see his bugged-out eyes, squarish head, and emaciated frame, you’ll remember him from the Wayan brothers’ sketch comedy show, In Living Color, or as the overcaffeinated tribal warrior in Ace Venture Pet Detective II: When Nature Calls…

Ever since Ultra Music Festival wrapped, you’ve been dry-heaving, bumping into inanimate objects, and having random acid flashbacks of a cop and a Native American delivering a pregnant cowboy’s baby. But you still want to party, because, dammit, you like the nightlife and you like to boogie. Well, you’re in…

There are some ’90s-era Hollywood hotties  that are a lot like fine wine — George Clooney, Johnny Depp, Brad Pitt (when he’s not sporting the billy goatee), Leonardo DiCaprio (hey, he actually looks like a man now), and Mark Wahlberg — they just get better with age. Then there’s some…