If you slapped bikinis on Real Housewives NeNe Leakes, Jill Zarin, and Melissa Gorga, shoved them into an inflatable kiddie pool full of jello, and told them to wrestle, who do you think would end up with the most weave still attached to their head? We’re sure Anderson Cooper would…
If Dirty Dancing and its televised inbred second cousin, Dancing With the Stars, has taught us anything, it’s that (1) a nose job can totally homogenize Jennifer Grey’s once-unique face, and (2) the “dirty” in their versions of “dirty dancing” is about as filthy as Taylor Swift dropping a puppy into…
Time to set aside that tween novel about a star-crossed necrophiliac /zombie couple (destined to a life of yearning stares thanks to one’s need to be alive and the other’s need for human brains) that you’ve been slaving over for the past five years at your local Starbucks because we’ve…
Today is hump day! Yay! And what does that mean? Well, if you’re a normal member of society, it could just mean that it’s the middle of the work week creating a peak, or rather a hump, smack dab in the middle of five brutal days. Or, if you’re a…
Liver spots, colostomy bags, and Metamucil-breath. There are just so many things that can make a memaw beautiful. But according to gorgeousgrandma.com which declared last Saturday Gorgeous Grandma Day, blue hair and medical alert bracelets do not equate to straight-up sexiness. Apparently these are the qualities that make a granny…
Are you a toothy blond with straight up love for red, one-piece bathing suits? Or perhaps you’re a sexy ninja-like brunette with dreams of launching your own clothing line at K-Mart. Or maybe, just maybe, despite the fact that you take life-threatening orders from some voice over the phone you’re…
Any asshole can streak. Any hippie can get au naturel for a still-life drawing class. And any shameless baby-boomer with a gut so large he has no idea he’s playing hacky-sack with his own nuts can go to Haulover Beach. But that’s boring — activities for nudie novices! Today, on the…
There’s something magical about Seven Seas Bar. Something more magical than David Blaine but a little less magical than a three-breasted mermaid whose third nip squirts out the cure for cancer. Perhaps it’s the cheap drinks, the ceiling tile plastered in random shoes, or the broken-toilet garden on the back…
Sociopathic brat Casey Anthony was found not guilty yesterday. And because it tastes like chloroform, it’s a hard verdict to swallow. Anthony’s multitude of lies and visible ambivalence towards the still cryptic death of her two-year-old daughter, Caylee, fueled most rational (with the exception of Nancy Grace) human beings (again,…
Drunkenly eating a cheeseburger got The Hoff one, dating Sly Stalone’s ex got Foofy-Foo one, and doing a blond brigade of future ex wives got Huge Hefner one, so, why wouldn’t tiger blood and goddesses get Charlie Sheen one?Today Comedy Central announced that the next celebrity roastee to be verbally-stoned…
What exactly is a professional zombie? No, not Larry King — meet Sonya Thompson, zombie impersonator extraordinaire for the arts. And by the arts we mean TV and movies, but we’re sure Cindy Sherman, Andrew Wyeth, or hell, even Terry Richardson wouldn’t mind giving her undead image a whirl. Thompson’s…
Oh, Orlando, good thing you’ve got your beautiful lakes. Otherwise you’d be cage fighting Ocala for the title of Florida’s Official Crotch Wart. And speaking of a nasty, unexplainable rash that won’t go away, Casey Anthony’s murder trial is in full swing in the birth place of ‘N Sync. And…
Crack heads are frying the eggs of rogue sacrificial chickens on the sidewalks, there’s pit-stains galore, and your FPL bills are soaring ….Summer’s officially here. And we bet you’re doing anything and everything to keep cool. You’re sucking on Choco-Tacos, wearing your shortest pair of coochie-cutters, and drinking from the…
What happens when you put Denzel Washington, Eddie Murphy, and Jay-Z in a blender? No, not a flesh-and-guts gazpacho that only Hannibal Lecter could love. You get comedian, master mimicker, and Saturday Night Live cast member Jay Pharoah. Nailing his first impression at age six when an audible copy of…
Miami, the city of sex and scandal, sure is a lame lay in the reality TV sack. We starfished it, (sex on your back, limbs sprawled, motionless) through sleeper series like Miami Social, Khloe and Kourtney Take Miami, the most boring season of Jersey Shore ever, Miami StInk, and 8th…
What happens when you put Denzel Washington, Eddie Murphy, and Jay-Z in a blender? No, not a flesh-and-guts gazpacho that only Hannibal Lecter could love. You get comedian, master mimicker, and Saturday Night Live cast member Jay Pharoah. Nailing his first impression at age 6 when an audible copy of…
Today is national Hug Your Cat Day! And what does that mean, exactly? Find the nearest pussy, give it a squeeze, and watch it purr. Well, unless it’s one of those ill-mannered kitties with the temperament of an ear-hungry Mike Tyson (sans the calming pigeons). In these circumstances, do not…
Last week a man told his 81-year-old father that making tweets was how to search things on Google. The result was the hilarious @oldmansearch.The tweets reflect the mind of a confused (but adorable) old coot: how do you pronounce juan, cold toes, is alex trebek really smart, national geographic dinosaur…
The Rapture is looming. In fact, according to Harold Camping, an 89-year-old retired civil engineer from Oakland, CA, Judgment Day is supposed to go down tomorrow, which is a total bummer because May 21 is also the birthday of Mr. T. Poor Mr. T! We pity the fool. But hold…
Once upon a time, there was a society that looked down on people like the spoiled daughter of OJ Simpson’s defense attorney pocketing $5 million in a “settlement” with Vivid Entertainment after a golden shower sex tape starring herself was self-released. But not modern society! Now we reward such desperate…
Last night the Light Box, Miami Light Project’s new intimate theater space at Goldman Warehouse in Wynwood, popped it’s cherry with an hour and a half of delightful ridiculousness care of comedian/musician/acid-flash-back-inducer Reggie Watts. And what exactly is a Reggie Watts? He’s hard to define (so read our Q&A with…
There’s all kinds of porn out there: barely legal, BBW, S&M, midget, puffy nips, Japanese rope bondage, furry, pegging, bukkake, and twink. Alt-pornographer Bruce LaBruce kick-started skin flicks for counterculture with movies like the Melbourne International Film Festival-banned L.A. Zombie (plot: a homeless schizophrenic thinks he’s a alien zombie who…
