The Florida Marlins didn’t make any serious offseason acquisitions to upgrade last season’s craptastic bullpen, and their manager may have suffered from narcolepsy during games. That being said, the Marlins front office is sure talking a shitload of trash these days. Sure, there’s great young talent such as Josh Johnson…
This season, the Eastern Conference has been all about the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Orlando Magic. But no team is entering the postseason hotter than the Miami Heat. Sure, they’ve been able to benefit from a cakewalk schedule, but that doesn’t mean they can’t dent a few asses in the…
Udonis Haslem will rock your face off. It’s just that simple.Last night, the Heat overcame a 17-point deficit to defeat the visiting Toronto Raptors 97-94. Haslem led the team with 23 points, with the help of some guy named Dwyane Wade. With Wade doing all the heavy lifting for the…
Jermaine O’Neal must be an avid reader of Riptide, because last night it looked like he was motivated by one of our posts when he led the Heat to one of its most lopsided victories of the season. The team ripped the Bulls a new one to the tune of 103-74.O’Neal got…
Last night, the Miami Heat lost 108-102 to the Orlando Magic in overtime, inspiring the following ten observations about the state of our b-ball team.1. Outside of Michael Beasley (on the nights Erik Spoelstra actually lets the kid play), Dwyane Wade is all alone.2. The Magic out-rebounded Miami 14-6 and…
Last month, tennis fans got a chance to see Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal join legends Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi for a charity doubles match benefiting earthquake victims in Haiti. The crowd expected a great match. Instead, they witnessed Agassi and Sampras exchanging sarcastic barbs while Federer and Nadal…
The Miami Heat has been teetering between the eighth and ninth playoff seed in the East and trying to stay consistent against the likes of the lowly 76ers and craptastic Clippers. Although Miami has Dwyane Wade denting asses on a nightly basis, the rest of the rotation has been hit-or-miss…
There are nights when the Miami Heat drop games against the crappiest of teams, causing you to want to punch random people in the pants at a bus stop. There are nights when it seems as if Dwyane Wade is playing alongside Michael Beasley, the churros guy from across the…
Well, it’s official. Dwyane Wade needs a crap-load of help. Sure it was great to see D-Wade back in action last night after being sidelined with a strained calf since February 17. But even with Wade doing his usual routine of denting asses in a single bound, the Miami Heat…
The biggest concern for the Miami Heat is not whether this season is going to end up in the proverbial toilet — it is. It’s whether free-agent-to-be Dwyane Wade will go all Roberto Duran on our asses; declare, “No mas!”; and bolt for another team. Outside of D-Wade, the roster…
It’s bad enough to lose a game at home to a team riding a six-game losing streak. It’s quite another to get your ass pounded into a fine powder by a team with a 4-22 road record. But that’s exactly what a Dwyane Wade-less Miami Heat did last night, falling…
It’s not enough for Dwyane Wade to remind the world what an unstoppable badass he is. He’s got to do it in front of a record crowd in Texas. D-Wade won his first career NBA All Star Game MVP award two weeks ago, leading the East to a 141-139 victory…
There are several ways a team can kick off the second half of an NBA season following an All-Star break. One is to come out of the gates stumbling and disorganized, setting a terrible precedent for the remainder of the season. Another is to come out on fire, playing sound…
Did we just wake up in Bizarro World? Because usually when the Heat visits Atlanta, the Hawks tend to go all Cirque du Soleil on their asses with their slam dunk aerial assaults, sparking the home crowd into a frenzy and causing Josh Smith to hop up and down and…
When the Miami Heat traded for Daequan Cook in 2007, he was supposed to become the Toni Kukoc to Dwyane Wade’s Michael Jordan. Cook was expected to take full advantage of D-Wade’s ability to draw double-teams by draining wide-open threes. But the self-proclaimed “Bail Bondsman” — he calls himself this…
It happened early in the first quarter. An errant pass by Quentin Richardson was picked up midcourt by Cleveland Cavaliers power forward J.J. Hickson. Dwyane Wade rushed down the court in an attempt to contest Hickson’s layup (because who the hell else is gonna do it? Rafer Alston? Pfft!). The…
From hovering around .500 to being stuck in third place in the Southeast Division to Michael Beasley and his amazing fourth-quarter disappearing acts, the Miami Heat has been maddeningly inconsistent all year. They look utterly unstoppable one night and then completely craptastic the next. They can take down a perennial…
While the Miami Heat’s Mario Chalmers remains the starting point guard, he continues to struggle with a severe case of the suck on a night-to-night basis. So, to offset this, the Heat traded Chris Quinn and his 1.2 points per game for Rafer Alston from New Jersey. A former streetball…
You could say the Cleveland Cavaliers visiting the American Airlines Arena this Monday is all about the return of Shaquille O’Neal to the arena he helped decorate with an NBA Championship banner. You could say that, but you’d be wrong. This Friday, when the Miami Heat hosts the Cavs, it’s…
When the Miami Heat and Indiana Pacers faced off three weeks ago, the game ended in what can only be effectively described as a thorough ass-thumpin’ as the Heat took down Indiana 114-80. Dwyane Wade played just 28 minutes, yet in that short span, he was able to drop 25…
Miami Heat head coach Erik Spoelstra gave each member of his team a motivational book as a Christmas gift: Jon Gordon’s The Energy Bus: 10 Rules to Fuel Your Life, Work, and Team With Positive Energy. “It’s a poignant book,” Spoelstra told the Sun-Sentinel. “We’re at our best when we’re…
It was a microcosm of an entire season. As with every game, the Miami Dolphins were kicked in the teeth while they fought tooth and nail to make a game of it but falling short in the end. Even after losing both their first- and second-string quarterbacks, the Fins were…
