User's Guide to Fake Girlfriends

As everyone knows, if a guy stays single or sexless long enough, his virginity will grow back--usually thicker and darker than before. However, regular sex that doesn't require pre-numbing your dominant hand shouldn't be the only reason to acquire a girlfriend. Girlfriends provide many benefits including love, faithful companionship, and finally getting your mom off your back.

But what if you're ungirlfriendable? Should you accept your place in the pecking order and relegate yourself to a life of solitude? Must you become the sad sack of man pitied by his friends and amassing a collection of cats only rivaled by the Humane Society or a North Korean street vendor?

Absolutely not. We'll learn how to get a fake girlfriend using the same tried-and-true technique you would use to get a real one, lying!

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