Trying to name all the funny moments that occurred in Steve Martin and Martin Short's self-described "Very Stupid Conversation" is kind of like trying to count all the grains of sand in the Sahara. Frankly, there are too many to mention.
Even before the two comedy legends took the stage at Hard Rock Live at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino this past weekend, a montage of the duo's funniest moments from Saturday Night Live and their numerous films and television appearances affirmed the fact that Martin and Short may be the funniest comedy team since Rowan and Martin or Martin and Lewis.
Snarky, sharp, cynical and self-effacing, they began by sizing up the crowd and surmising that while the venue appeared sold out, "It's we who have sold out. If we had saved up, we wouldn't be here."
That wry observation was the lead-in to a steady series of back and forth jabs and caustic commentary that found them tallying up the laughs and often cracking themselves up in the process. And regardless of whether their remarks were off the cuff or exceedingly well rehearsed, there was never any lapse between laughs. Here is a baker's dozen of the funniest interludes this daffy duo had to offer:
13. A discourse on phoney show business relationships wherein Martin commended Short on understanding the concept of a 60/40 split.
12. A reprise of their roles as The Three Amigos, in which Martin and Short chose three "volunteers" from the audience to don the trademark sombreros and attempt the Amigos' signature cross arm salute and groin thrust.
11. When, descending the stairs from stage to the audience, Martin found himself gingerly helped down by two burly security guards, causing him to ask in astonishment, "Do I really look that old?!"
10. Whereupon Short retorts in reference to Martin's eternally white mane, "You've looked like you're 70 ever since you turned 30!"
9. Martin, recalling what he told comic rival Russell Brand who was arriving at a party while Martin was leaving: "I'm going out. You're coming in. It's a metaphor."
8. Martin, tossing a nebulous compliment to Short: "He's one of the biggest stars from Canada, right behind..."(insert the names of every single star Canada has ever produced). To which Short later responded, "You're still The Jerk!
7. As Short also added: "As Chastity Bono said to the urologist -- "No hard feelings."
6. Martin, referencing himself: "You may hate me for my work, but you don't know me well enough to hate me for me."
5. Short, tossing out a one liner: "Have you heard about the blind prostitute? You have to hand it to her."
4. Short, after stripping down to a flesh-colored body suit and prancing nimbly about the stage, makes his exit, where he greets Martin who's about to reappear and shouts in mock defiance, "Top that motherfucker!"
3. Short, dressed as a pig-tailed cowgirl, sporting a pair of six guns to act out the role of the ill-fated girlfriend in "Pretty Little One," takes aim at a banjo-touting Martin's private parts.
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2. Martin, performing the role of puppet handler to Short, who was disguised as a miniature version of his sarcastic talk show host and critic Jiminy Glick.
1. Martin and Short, parodying the obligatory encore, sing "Five More Minutes to Fill." Then, as the time ticks down, they start to thank the Hard Rock for its hospitality, only to abruptly end the song and exit the stage because their contracted time has expired.
So maybe you had to be there. Suffice it to say you missed a great show if you weren't.