Skrawberry's Sex Tips For the Poorly Endowed

You know Miami stripper Skrawberry for her rap skills, her political commentary,

and of course, her sexy moves on the pole. Now, you'll also know her

for her sound advice. In this weekly column, Skraw responds to readers'

questions about life, love, and beyond. Got a question for Skraw? Hit

her up at skrawberry@miaminewtimes.com.

Dear Skrawberry,

Lemme start off by saying that I am a big fan, and I hope you can give me some help. I'm a guy who loves women. I mean I LOVE women, I love to flirt, I love to play around, and obviously I love sex. I'm not bad looking, but I have one big thing that's holding me back. Well, one not so big thing. I'm just gonna put it out there: I'm small. In the dick department. So now that's out there.

I know they say size doesn't matter, but that's a damn lie. But there's not too much I can do about it, really, so I'm wondering, from a woman's point of view: What can I do to make up for it?

Publish My Name And I'll Sue You

Dear Sue,

Don't be gullible now. They say it ain't the size of the boat, it's the

motion of the ocean ... but then again, a lil' dick man probably said that! The

size of the boat always matters; if it's bigger, you can fit more people

on it. Even if that boat don't move, it's big and everybody on it's

havin' fun! 

First off, you need to try some remedies to make your penis bigger. I almost always recommend a penis enlargement pump. Get a good expensive one -- they most certainly work! Have you ever tried penis enlargement pills? Or even the natural remedy: pull on it until it hurt. Also, if you are not circumcised, that could be your problem. Forget about saving the skin to make it look longer, 'cause when a woman look at it, we think it's grotesque. Go get circumcised. And if you've tried everything else, go get surgery.

If you don't want that, you better invest in some dildos and other sex toys. And learn how to give head -- you better get a A+ in the head test! While giving head, you better learn how to finger the pussy perfectly. The dildo will come in handy when and if you cum before your partner -- just pull out the toys. (Use silicone -- it has a more natural feeling, especially if you wrap it in a hot towel first.)

And if all else fails? Trick on a bitch! That is always a panty puller. Trick on her enough and she might fall in love. Money can't buy love, but it damn sure come with a panty contract. As long as you spendin' money, your partner won't have another choice but to fuck you whenever you call.

And as a matter of fact, spend money on yourself, too. Make these bitches think you got the biggest dick in America. Have some swag about yourself! Be full of confidence. Smell good. Know how to talk. Know what to say, and when to say it. Have some nice teeth and a fly-ass smile. You'll be wheeling in all the panties. And when you do, be sure you know how to give some head.


Email your questions for Skrawberry to skrawberry@miaminewtimes.com. Follow Skrawberry on Twitter @Skraw_Berry.

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