Readers Respond to Guide on Miami Nude Beach AKA "Grandpa Grindr"

The thongs and banana hammocks were quick to come off when we published our guide to Miami's only nude beach.

May 27, 2025

Image: A sign leading to a sandy Miami beach that reads, in all uppercase letters: Attention: Beyond this point you may encounter nude bathers

The clothing-optional beach at Haulover Cut: Don't say you weren't warned. Photo by Phillip Pessar/Flickr

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With summer looming, we reminded ourselves for the umpteenth time that for far too long we've neglected to provide New Times readers with one specific element of the public-service journalism you've come to expect from us: a guide to Haulover Nude Beach, Miami's only official clothing-optional public space.

Asha Elias, our sex and dating columnist, drew the short straw. After all, she'd already penned the 2025 edition of our "Eight Best Places for Public Sex in Miami" list. And as we've come to expect, Asha elegantly laid out the dos and the don'ts, the whys and the wherefores. Whether you're an avid naturist or merely nude-curious, she had you (un)covered.

On May 14, we published Asha's piece. And predictably, the thongs and banana hammocks were quick to come off on social media. Figuratively speaking, of course. Puns flew. "There was a blind guy there," Joe wrote. "I spotted him right away. It wasn't hard." (Rim shot.) Swords, as it were, crossed.

Below, a representative sampling of reader response...

Might as well begin with Lenny, who came out swinging:

I stopped going when everyone started using my junk to hang their beach towels. After 22 towels, I'm like, I'm outta here.

Quoth Kira:

I've been [there]. It’s filled with naked, older, gay men. Absolutely no shade, live your best life! But let’s not mislead people on what nude beaches in the U.S. really are: Grindr for grandpas 😂

Bruce urged restraint:

Imagine "nude Walmart." Don't let your expectations get too high.

Leonardo was in a sentimental mood:

I saw my first pair of tiddies on that beach 🤣

As did Rick:

I recall, back in the day, that Thursday mornings were when the girls from the strip clubs came to get sun.

Martin waxed poetic:

You never know what great folks will be on the beach. No, they’re not all slim, trim, sexy things. They’re every color, age, sexual preference, and body shape. Nobody is going to the beach for your entertainment, and if you’re looking for just that, you can find it at lots of strip clubs. It is also not a sex scene, it’s a public beach. Good for all to enjoy the beautiful beach and ditch the clothing if they desire. Thanks to all that helped keep it the great place it remains today.

Orlando offered a historical perspective:

The clothing-optional area is still there, thanks to the older guys like myself who signed petitions every week back in the early '90s so that it wouldn't be shut down. It was always a comfortable and peaceful place.

The best way to discover the ins and outs — innies and outies? — of Haulover, of course, is to go experience it for yourself. Don't forget the sunscreen!

Haulover Nude Beach. Open 8 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. at 10800 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; hauloverbeach.org.

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