Photo by icephotography/AdobeStock
Audio By Carbonatix
Here in Miami, we are always looking for new ways to take advantage of our great outdoors — and what better way to enjoy them than au naturel, exploring our most carnal desires? You never know when the mood will strike in this sexy city.
Is public sex audacious? Sure. Illegal? Also yes. So we can’t (and aren’t) encouraging you to forgo $100 spaghetti to drop trou on the rooftop of Marine Stadium. But God knows some of you will try, and in this economy, who are we to turn down a budget-friendly date option?
Here, we’ve compiled a list for those dead set on getting freaky with the night air on their faces and the breeze between their cheeks. Just remember: safety first, and (if you’re a gentleman) try to finish second.
The Alley Behind Factory Town
My first thought at this reader submission was “gross.” But my second thought was, “I get it.” Most of the time, if you’re venturing to Factory Town, you’re leaving around sunrise with several substances swimming in your system. Maybe it’s the romance of an abandoned construction site, the visceral thrill from all the high-octane EDM, or perhaps you’re still rolling your face off – whatever the reason behind your sexual surge, make sure to wear a rubber.
The Beach
While this is the classic South Florida location for public hookups – the cortadito of open-air playtime, if you will – public beach sex needs several disclaimers. During the daytime, there are families around, so just don’t do it. At night, it can be dodgy. Some people think the sand is the most significant risk, but that’s what lifeguard stands and towels are for. The truth is, you never know who might be trolling the beach at night, so please strip down at your own risk. Yes, there is something magical about the way the moonlight sparkles over an inky sea and the crashing of waves muffling your little moans (ah, memories), but staying safe is also important.
Cemeteries
It’s giving Morticia and Gomez Addams (if that’s your kind of thing). Public sex can be risky, but at least here, the people around you can’t rat you out. Bring a pillow and some incense to set the mood, and try to avoid grandma’s plot (that generation can be so judgmental). An added bonus: If you’re here after dark, there’s a pretty low probability strangers will just happen to walk by.
Gym Steam Rooms and Saunas
Sweat. Muscles. Testosterone. Steam. It’s the perfect recipe for PDA on steroids (or voyeurism if that’s more your speed). One reader summed up his odds of cruising at the gym this way: “It’s hard to go to the sauna at [gym name redacted] and not get a blow job.” You have to admit: If you’re struggling to get to the gym, this is a pretty great motivating factor.
Hiking Trails
This suggestion allows you and your lover to become one with each other and with nature. Smell the grass between your toes and leave your, um, seed behind to take its rightful place in the circle of life. Choose a quiet spot just off the trail and slather on the bug spray (no one wants a creepy crawly inside their delicate place). Try to make it quick, though – you never know who (or what) might be lurking just around the corner.
Home Depot Bathrooms
According to our reader submissions, this is a real, verified thing. Apparently, cavernous spaces and fluorescent overhead lighting just get some people going. Perhaps it’s the primal thought of nail guns drilling into drywall. Maybe it’s all the hammers and screws. I really don’t know. Try it and report back?
Islands in Biscayne Bay
For many locals, no boat day is complete without a visit to one of Biscayne Bay’s many uninhabited islands. If the weather’s right (and if you’re lucky enough to have a lookout for other visitors), these are also great places to consummate your love on the water with the devil’s tango. Ahh, yes — sand in your hair (and probably other places), leaves between your toes, and a post-coital rinse in the sea. What could be better? We do, however, discourage you from baring all on Raccoon Island. There’s no telling what those little critters might get into.
The Library
As an author, I really can’t endorse this one, but since multiple people recommended these hallowed halls, libraries made the list. Maybe reading turns you on (which I totally get), or maybe it’s the fact that these spaces are clean, understaffed, and have plenty of quiet, hidden areas. Whatever your reason, one courtesy, please: If you must get naughty in the stacks, keep your fluids off the pages.
Miami Velvet
Bookmark this as the only entry where you can legally get your rocks off (maybe even with someone else’s spouse, and possibly with an audience). Miami Velvet is the 305’s oldest and most established swingers’ club, and let’s just say no one is surprised if you come here for sex. Guests must be members, but memberships can easily be purchased at the door. The dancefloor can get freaky, but most penetration takes place in the group or private playrooms, the kink lounge, or the new and improved shower room.
