Art Basel Miami Beach

Art Basel Bingo 2012: Back and Marginally Better!

We had a lot of fun last year when we played our first-ever Basel Bingo. So we've decided to resuscitate the game, because arty folks are such easy targets.

We've once again, packed the board with (stereotypical) things you'll encounter during the week of Art Basel Miami Beach 2012. All the items are new and include stuff like artists as DJs, the Kardashians, and ironic sponsorships. We'll be playing along all week, and so should you. Send us your photos or use the hashtag #baselbingo on Instagram or Twitter.

What's at stake? Thanks to Borscht Corp, the winner will lay claim to tickets to the upcoming Borscht Film Festival on Dec. 15. With short films by Life and Times of Uncle Luke duo Lucas Leyva and Jillian Mayer, FunnyOrDie's Nick Corirossi, and experimental film legend Adan Jodorowsky, Borscht 8 is the perfect way to come down from your frenzied Basel high. The first person to alert us (with photo proof) that they won Bingo gets the tickets. (This is classic Bingo rules, folks. You can score horizontally, vertically, and diagonally.)

After the jump, an explanation of each board item and a high-quality PDF download of the card for your printing pleasure. The New Times' office and staff covering Basel will also have a limited amount of game pieces available all week long, so grab one while you can.

Download a high-resolution PDF here.

Kardashians: This "klan" just doesn't know when to quit it. God forbid Kimye shows up.

Street-style photographers: The Sartorialist and Facehunter will finally come to blows.

Jeffrey Deitch: Not everybody is happy the direction he's taken the MOCA in Los Angeles, but at least Basel still loves him.

Food as art: We don't need a brunch with a hidden meaning.

Seapunks: Lisa Frank just vomited on your outfit.

Hitler youth haircuts: It's all fun and games until someone tries to exterminate an entire race.

Black turtlenecks: Someone didn't get the memo that nobody looks good in a turtleneck.

"Homeless" power player: At Basel, it's best not to judge a book by its cover, lest you find out that book is worth millions.

Pop-up stores: Because Miami isn't good enough for the real thing.

Returning Miami artists: They'll regale us with tales from faraway lands called New York and Los Angeles.

Firearms as art: "Look Phredric, I find it non-threatening because it's on a pedestal."

Flotilla art: Buoyant art is a thing now.

Naked performance art: You can declare yourself a Basel Bingo winner if the whole thing is off-the-scales uncomfortable.

Instagramming: Because Warhol looks better under a Toaster filter.

Artists as DJs: Oh, there is really only one artist who insists on keeping this dream alive. OBEY HIM!

Ze Germans: It's how you measure the authenticity of any art event. The more Germans there are the more authentic it is.

Darkwave band: Welcome to your new Pitchfork-approved genre! Don't know what a darkwave band is? You automatically lose at Basel Bingo ... and at life.

Ironic sponsorship: If you are touting a green message, avoid asking gas or car companies for money.

Ruinart: The most appropriately named champagne.

Mixologists: Whatever you do, don't call them bartenders.

Suspenders: Poor grandpa, he's going to have to hold up his pants for a week while you are partying in Miami.

Body parts as art: We get it, vaginas and dicks are fascinating.

Eva & Adele: They are German (see above), so that explains a lot.

Ironically waxed mustache: No, sorry, we can still tell you're a douche.

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Jose D. Duran is the associate editor of Miami New Times. He's the strategist behind the publication's eyebrow-raising Facebook and Twitter feeds. He has also been reporting on Miami's cultural scene since 2006. He has a BS in journalism and will live in Miami as long as climate change permits.
Contact: Jose D. Duran