Screenshot via @hallmarkchannel/TikTok
Audio By Carbonatix
It might not be a family-owned Christmas tree farm in rural Vermont or the last indie toy store in an otherwise soulless corporate-run metropolis, but a meet-cute is a meet-cute, and if you’re looking to inject a little holiday magic into our pretty-damn-dreary realism, there’s an opportunity setting sail from Miami this fall.
The Hallmark Channel has announced its second annual Christmas Cruise, catering to the holiday movie-obsessed, departing from Miami on November 6 and traveling to Cozumel, Mexico, through November 10.
They’re calling it the “jolliest vacation ever,” and there is quite a bit on the “Nice” side of the ledger here, from meet-and-greets with a slew of stars from the Hallmark ensemble universe, to Christmas craft workshops, and “carol-oke” sing-alongs. The five-day cruise promises to be the World Cup of ugly sweater contests, movie premieres, trivia, and, to quote Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation — here comes the “j”-word again — “the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.”
Jonathan Bennett, the star of the first LGBTQ-led Hallmark Channel Christmas movie, The Holiday Sitter, and Mean Girls, will co-host alongside Nikki DeLoach. Also, one of the cruise partners is Home Goods, so you know decorations, scented candles, and cinnamon pinecones are going to be on point.
If something has to go in the “Naughty” column, it might — depending on your current financial situation — be the interior cabin prices, which start at $1370 per person.
If a very Hallmark holiday is not your (Santa’s) bag, you can always leave the eggnog, mistletoe, and making merry to the Christmas cruisers and book a cabin on the “True Crime Voyage” leaving Miami on October 10. Maybe you’ll get lucky with a deep dive into an alternate theory of Kate Beringer’s dad’s death, the Night the Reindeer Died, or the cold case of the black coal killer.
Oh, and if you’re already planning for next year, Hallmark has announced its third annual Christmas Cruise will set sail from Miami to Great Stirrup Cay, Bahamas, next October 23 to 27.
Hallmark Christmas Cruise. November 6 to 10, 2025. 2025.hallmarkchristmascruise.com. Tickets cost $1370 to $8,315.
