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If you think writing a good catchy jingle is easy, think again,
young grasshopper. For every “You Deserve a Break Today” and “I Wish I
Were an Oscar Meyer Weiner,” there are dozens of cringe-worthy losers.
They are the musical equivalent of road kill, but still demand attention. Then, like some parasite, they take root and stay there, keeping you awake with the memory of bad instrumentals and saccharine happiness.
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We’ve put together a list of the worst — some of them “official,” some
of them “fan-based” — all of them lousy. Don’t blame us when the nightmares come.
Mentos
This mind-numbing song..the smug teens who commit petty crimes and laugh about it. Is it a horror movie? Nah, it’s Mentos. And just what the hell is a “freshmaker” anyway?
Nanerpuss
A singing banana might be bad enough, but when all he has to say is his name, it’s horrific. What’s worse is that this is an attempt by Denny’s to make a “joke” ad. That’s all well and good, but once you have nightmares about that damn banana’s eye falling off there’s no turning back.
Fish McBites
The McDonald’s “Gimme my Filet-o-Fish” jingle, as sung by a trophy bass, was a winner. Everyone loved it so much, the company actually sold special Bill the Bass novelty memorabilia. Of course, everyone has to screw with a good thing, so to launch their unloved Fish McBites, the fast food giant issued an equally nauseating new jingle.
Meow Mix
Sure it’s made for cats, but that’s what makes this jingle all the more heinous. Since cats have sharper hearing than humans, could it be that they are even more offended by this inane jingle that’s really no more than some pathetic biped “meowing” to piano scales? Maybe that’s why Fluffy’s been so aloof to us over the years.
Five-Dollar Footlong
Just in case we didn’t feel the baseball bat to the skull beating into us the fact that a 12-inch sandwich costs five bucks, there are hand gestures. Many, many, hand gestures.
FritalianDunkin’ Donuts tries its hand at xenophobia. Because all great coffee comes from where… Detroit?
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