Adventures in Curbside Catering

Funny how a phrase can change in meaning over the decades. Take “curbside pickup,” for instance. It used to refer to recyclables — glass, newspaper, tin cans. You know, garbage. But in recent years, thanks to chain restaurants like Chili’s and Romano’s Macaroni Grill, it has gained a new definition. Now it implies that you can phone or fax in a take-out order along with a description of your car or license plate number, park in a video-monitored lot, and a waiter will trot out with your French fries when they’re ready. You can even pay by credit card or get change for your cash without ever leaving your car.

Kind of like a cross between a drive-thru and a drive-in, sans roller skates on employees, curbside pickup has enhanced sales for the family-style, casual dining segments, say trade magazines like Restaurant & Industries. Last year R&I reported that “60 of [Ruby Tuesday’s] casual-dining chain’s 600 units offer the program and each has seen takeout sales increases of 50 percent over those in units that do not offer it.” And USA Today ran a story on the trend as well, noting that six percent of all Chili’s sales nationwide are for take-out orders. Chili’s, which road-tested its curbside pickup program in Florida, has spots in the parking lot at its Aventura outlet specifically reserved for pickup orders. “All others will be crushed and melted,” read warning signs. So much for the towing business.

In keeping with capitalism, competing chains seek to make this option their own by writing singular catch phrases for it. Romano’s Macaroni Grill and T.G.I. Friday’s call it “curbside to go”; Outback Steakhouse labels it “curbside take-away.” I’ve also seen it referred to as curbside carry-out and curbside catering.

An entirely PC vocabulary has been invented as well — waiters are now “members of the carry-out team” — and jingles have been adjusted. For example Outback’s famous slogan “No rules, just right” is now, in some locations, “No rules, just right — to your car.”

Surprisingly, though, few Miamians take advantage of this all-too-convenient option. That’s because some places haven’t been consistent: North Miami Ale House, which all summer has been printing checks that are topped with the rather scary words “Curbside Carry-Out — never get out of your car again!” has discontinued the program temporarily. When I tried to arrange for curbside pickup the other night, an employee told me the restaurant wasn’t doing it anymore because the worker responsible for running the items out to the cars “had gone back to school.” A couple of months dodging between blasts of dripping hot humidity and freezing air conditioning is no doubt the perfect incentive to get yourself an education.

Some people just plain don’t care for the idea. Restaurant publicist Frank Flynn of Verite Communications notes, “I don’t dig dinner in a bag (unless it’s Papaya on 72nd Street). Besides, I have enough problems with waiters indoors, let alone ask to be handed my dinner [outdoors].”

Other folks I’ve questioned feel similarly to Joe Pesci in Lethal Weapon, sort of along the lines of, “If they bleep-bleep you in the drive-thru, imagine what they could do to you curbside.”

Then there are the conscientious objectors to such expediency. “In a society hell-bent on being pampered, it’s only a matter of time before we’re hiring people to chew for us. I’ve never used curbside service but am convinced it’s just further indication that we’re becoming a nation of lazy asses,” Larry Carrino, restaurant publicist for the Susan Brustman agency, sums up.

Rob Boone, executive chef at Metro Kitchen & Bar at the Hotel Astor, is even more zealous. He believes that curbside pickup is “just another example of how American ingenuity caters to Americans’ growing laziness and obesity in general. This is not right. We need to slow down and enjoy our family, especially when we only see our kids at dinner time. Why not make the best of it and cook at home and stay the hell away from corporate restaurant conundrums?”

Maybe because, as a working mom sees it, curbside pickup on the way home from some job or other, even if it’s from Chili’s or Outback, offers a range of healthier choices than the menus at McDonald’s and Burger King. Plus it is easier, particularly for those of us handicapped by injuries or toddlers, than hauling crutches or kids in and out of car seats and then dragging them through a crowded restaurant to the bar where your order usually waits. Which of course means just as you pay for the whole thing, your crutch tip catches on a lemon that has been dropped by a careless cocktail server and you go sprawling, or the kids have spotted the potty and need to mark their territory, and your option is to either take the food with you to the germ-infested bathroom or leave it at the mercy of the bartender or other customers. Not that I’ve been in either situation ever.

Or perhaps because as the trend starts to pick up, form will follow function. Places that don’t advertise curbside pickup will often do the honors if you ask. I was pleasantly surprised when I called a chain restaurant I’d never visited, On the Border, to do research. “Do you have a cell phone?” I was asked. Natch. “Technically, we don’t do it, but if you call us from the car when you get here, we’ll gladly have someone bring it out to you.” Wow, politeness in Miami. Must be in the On the Border training manual; North Miami Ale House, take note.

After all, independent restaurants already have. “We have actually done [curbside pickup] several times for one particularly wealthy guest who lives literally across the street at a condo, who will call ahead and wait in her car at the Bal Harbour Shops valet,” says Elia’s executive chef Kris Wessel. “I never will promote encouraging people not to come and have the full dining experience, especially with creative-type food, but it actually isn’t too bad running a busboy out with the delivery bag to the curb.”

A couple of places, such as Biscayne Barbecue, which has limited parking and is located on a busy thoroughfare, are intentionally making good on these kinds of deliveries. And Robbin Haas tells me he is planning on offering the service when he opens Chispa Restaurant & Bar in Merrick Park this fall. South Beach restaurants that have been losing business due to parking problems and valet fees should consider curbside pickup a valid, valuable program, as should consumers who rely on free pizza delivery — the Wall Street Journal has it that popular chains are about to start charging for the service. Weigh it against the price of the gas you’re already burning on the way home, and curbside catering might start to look like a pretty tasty way to economize.