My Life as a Eunuch

Why would a man choose to have himself castrated? That's a question best answered by a fellow known as Gelding.

It was more than 40 years ago now, but Gelding has no trouble recalling the day his life took a very odd turn. He was twelve, riding the school bus. It was crowded and there was no place to sit, so he stood. The bus hit a bump in the road, and he accidentally knocked into the boy in front of him. “He reached back very calmly, grabbed my balls in my pants, and squeezed them,” Gelding recalls. “He said, “You bump into me again and I'm going to crush them.'”The sensation was excruciating, degrading -- and delicious. Gelding was enthralled by the idea that another person could so casually bring him to his knees. He couldn't stop thinking about it. Over the years his obsession blossomed into a strange, quite illegal avocation.

Gelding is a “cutter,” which in body-modification circles means he castrates other men. He's also a eunuch himself. After decades of obsessing over his balls and a botched attempt at cutting them off that could have killed him, he was finally castrated in 1994.

For legal reasons Gelding, 54 years old, didn't want his real name used for this story. But he's a legendary figure in the eunuch subculture, where he acts as a kind of den mother for the genitally obsessed, someone a man can turn to when he decides the cojones need to go. In the past four years, he's counseled some 4000 men. He also acts as a broker between cutters and potential cuttees, and less frequently performs the surgery himself. “I know what's involved,” he says. “One of the reasons why I am doing this is to help other guys avoid the problems. In that respect it is humanitarian. In another respect, I will admit to a certain amount of sexual excitement from the whole idea.”

Some men are #179;smooth,#178; and some, like Gelding, are hairy #179;bears#178;
Some men are #179;smooth,#178; and some, like Gelding, are hairy #179;bears#178;
Some men are "smooth," and some, like Gelding, are hairy "bears"
Preston
Some men are "smooth," and some, like Gelding, are hairy "bears"

Castration is a time-honored tradition. Chinese emperors employed eunuchs as court advisors during the Sixth Century B.C., and by the time of the Ming dynasty (1368-1644) there were some 100,000 of them hanging around the halls of power. Romans used eunuchs to guard harems. Even Christians got in on the action with a sect called the Valesians, which took Matthew 19:12 to the literal extreme: “For there are some eunuchs which were so born from their mother's womb; and there are some eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men; and there be eunuchs which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of Heaven's sake.”But castration as a show of asceticism has fallen out of favor in modern times. Today, short of cancer or a desire to surgically become a woman, there is no medical reason to get emasculated. It's certainly not something you can brag about at the class reunion. Even as an extreme punitive measure for sex offenders, castration is frowned upon.

All of which makes Gelding a figure of considerable intrigue. Not that you'd know it by looking at him: He stands about five feet nine inches, has a beefy build, a trim goatee graying around the edges, and close-cropped hair. He's openly gay, prefers bottom but will be a top when the situation arises, and calls himself a “bear” owing to an impressive crop of body hair.

Conversations with him cover a lot of ground, from computer programming languages to ball torture, from chaos theory to bull ejaculators. (Gelding's verdict on the last: “Interesting, but not particularly pleasurable.”) No matter the topic, he speaks in even, measured tones that project either clinical detachment or a complete lack of embarrassment; it's difficult to tell which.

By trade he's a computer consultant who has been in the business since the late Sixties, when he programmed on punch cards for the U.S. Air Force. He lives in a modest Broward County bungalow, complete with tile roof and a pool. To his neighbors Gelding appears little more than a well-groomed bachelor.

But his collection of eye-popping photos, most of Gelding himself, offers quite a different impression. So does the fantastic tale of how he lost his balls.

While vacationing in a strange city, Gelding was taken hostage by two “hot, hairy-chested, leather-wearing men.” They blindfolded him, took him to a secret location, and strapped him to a table. Then they forced him to sniff amyl nitrate and smoke a joint before wrapping a wire tightly around his testicles. One of them flashed a large knife and with a quick stroke made him a eunuch. “The pain was a shock,” he writes, “but it was unexpected and over quickly. I stared stupidly at the guy's hand holding my balls.” It's a gripping story, made more so by Gelding's reaction: He's scared, fascinated, and sexually excited all at once.

It's also a lie. A cover. A fantasy. Gelding's real trip from obsessed adolescent to middle-age eunuch is much more convoluted.

He was reared in upstate New York, the middle child of three and the oldest son. Family life was structured but not overly disciplined. “We had rules and we followed them,” he says. “We weren't let alone to roam free.”

He played soccer, was an accomplished swimmer, and dabbled in figure skating, though never successfully because, as he notes dryly: “I didn't have the figure for it.” In high school he made good money baby-sitting; parents around the neighborhood trusted him.

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1 comments
slavehole
slavehole

This is one of the best stories I've ever read about a man's quest to be castrated. Since my earliest days, my self-image has been of me as property to be owned and used by other men. My castration will be the lifetime act that will bond me to my cutter until death do us part. I really like the idea of being a eunuch. My penis has not worked for twenty years so I am already a functional eunuch. I would love to have all that useless stuff down in my groin cleared out and have a nice smooth crotch for men to carress.

I don't know why ring a eunuch is so important to me. I just do know it is at the core of my sexuality. And once I am cut, I want to world to know what I am. I will be so happy for my cutter-owner to show me off as his own personal eunuch.

I shod mention that I have started to call myself Clipper. Whatever name I end up with will be my owners choice.

clipper

 
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