Audio By Carbonatix
Ben & Jerry’s recently introduced a new ice cream flavor, Schweddy Balls, a frozen delight of vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and loaded with, um, balls.
The ice cream is named for Pete Schweddy, the Alec Baldwin character on Saturday Night Live who makes delightful Schweddy Balls as a holiday treat.
If you think “Schweddy Balls” is one weird name, we’ve compiled a list of food items that have been named worse — way worse.
10. Finger Marie: We’re not sure if this is a cookie name or a directive, but next time our tiramisu recipe calls for “fingering ladies,” we’ll know what it’s talking about, sort of.
9. Golden Gaytime frozen novelty: This ice-cream bar has been around for decades in New Zealand, which means generations of 8-year-old boys and girls have had “4 delicious chances to have a gay time.” Goes great with a nice dish of Schweddy Balls.
8. Watering KissMint gum: Ugh. If we wanted to kiss something that drools, we’d make out with a Rottweiler.
7. Spotted dick: No, you don’t need to run to the free clinic. It’s moist, delicious pudding in a can.
6. Yorkie candy bar: Chocolate named after a small dog with ribbons in its hair — yet somehow it’s not for girls.
5. Only Puke chips: Hey, eat the damn stuff. It’s not like it’s named rotting wildebeest. It’s Only Puke, for f**k’s sake.
4. Vergina beer: With a slogan like “taste the Mediterranean,” we’ll let you insert the jokes here.
3. Pussy energy drink: Sold in London nightclubs, Pussy “starts conversations,” according to its website. We encourage everyone to drink some Pussy.
2. Pet Sweat: We envision thousands of dogs in saunas, panting into bottles. We’ll pass.
1. Pee Cola: All things being equal, we’ll take a cold Pussy or Pet Sweat over a warm Pee.
Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.
