Chicago's got the smokehouse turkey stuffed with hot dogs.
Los Angeles turkeys get botox in their gobblers, and surgical breast enhancement.
Arizona turkeys get left to cook by solar power on the sidewalk.
So what is the signature Miami turkey? Here's how to make one yourself.
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Find a Dade County farmer with pigs and turkeys, buy one huge turkey, one small turkey, and one pig.
Stuff the small turkey with black beans and rice, and plantains, then wrap it in bacon, put it in the oven and start cooking it.
Meanwhile, deep-fry the big turkey until it's half way cooked, pull it out, stuff it with the small turkey that's filled with rice and beans and wrapped in bacon, and then fill the excess space with marinated pork.
Throw it in the oven and turn up the heat. When it's done it'll be hot and wet and ready to eat. Happy Thanksgiving.