| October 22, 2009 | 9:46am
Let's do a little word association game, shall we? Chocolate candies are to cavities as a can of Coke is to ____. Did you say "a trim physique?" Perhaps "a lean, mean, fabulous-looking-while-sunbathing-nearly-naked on-South-Beach me?" Probably not. So please, someone tell me how the folks at the Coca-Cola Company have the gall to tell the public that its new shrunken can coming next March is actually their way of advocating a common-sense approach to reducing obesity.
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At 7.5 ounces, the new pop-top container is just over half the size we've come to know and love. The company's press release
touts it as "a great option for smaller thirst occasions," yet somehow I suspect the mini will not list ".63" near "Serv. Size." Plus--here's the best part--these mini cans will be sold in eight-packs. Why drink just one? (Bless the spin doctor who had to cobble together that document.)
The ingredients will undoubtedly be the same: carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, caramel color, phosphoric acid, [those suspect] natural flavorings, and caffeine. Anything in there, aside from the water, sound healthful to you?
Heck, maybe other companies should jump on the bandwagon and create components to complement the Coca-Cola healthy eating meal plan. Perhaps grocers will make space on their shelves for...
• meat lovers' pizzas with only four, instead of five, beef and pork products
• Boston cream donuts, sans the gooey filling and
• bacon strips that are half as long. (We can call them "baconitas!")
But those food manufacturers aren't entirely to blame. It's true we are responsible for committing nutritional sins on the road, too. If only we would...
• leave the fried onions off the top of Aunt Sue's green bean casserole
• forgo the powdered sugar shower on carnival funnel cakes and the whipped cream mountain atop our favorite coffee drinks and
• stop ourselves from ordering an extra helping of sour cream to dunk those bigger-than-our-heads burritos from the drive-thru
...chances are this country would be so much slimmer, right?
Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go pop open a box of Cracker Jacks. What? They're not on the Coke diet plan? No worries--I'm totally leaving all the peanuts behind.
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