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Exxxotica 2012: A Foodie's Guide

Exxxotica Expo 2012

hits the

Miami Beach Convention Center

this weekend.

If you're going, expect to find gorgeous men and women wearing everything from full bondage leather to nothing but a little duck tape (we don't want to be around when she pulls the tape off).

In addition to seminars discussing everything from making amateur videos to how surgically enhancing yourself could lead to better sex, live entertainment, and appearances by your favorite adult film stars (who generally charge $10 for a photo of them on your lap), Exxxotica is also something like the largest adult toy store in the world.

Everything from whips and leather to feathers and glitter were available for purchase, as well as things you didn't think you'd need (but might come in handy) like performance enhancing supplements and hangover remedies.

We perused the various booths in search of the most incredible edibles designed to help turn bedtime into playtime. Here's what we found.

Basically pop rocks, these candies are either a way to enhance your sexual experience...or an embarrassing trip to the ER waiting to happen (remember that urban myth about the Life Cereal kid?). We suggest using them sparingly. $3 a pack.

These gels are made with a little glycerin, designed to help everything go down smoothly...if you know what we mean... $5 each.

These tasty little shots are filled with herbal supplements like horny goat weed and ginseng. They come in formulas for men and women in fruity flavors like cherry and peach. $6 per shot.

These little suckers are equal opportunity. Two for $5.

Talk about all day suckers! These Lollicocks come in chocolate, vanilla, and rainbow flavors. $10 each.

For some reason, we just can't get a mental picture of Snookie and her gorilla juice head fetish out of our heads now. These herbal supplements are $7 a pack.

We have never seen this in any U-Pick strawberry field in Homestead... ever! $20 for this little guy.

While other flavored lubes are normally artificially sweet -- we liked the surprising tartness of these Sex Tarts. The green apple tastes like an apple martini, by the way. $10.95 each.

Ummmm, strawberry flavored nibbles. $5.95 each.

Of course, with these tattoos, just about everything is edible! $10 each (but the tattoo company will put on a trial pair for free at the expo!)

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