Audio By Carbonatix
Independent Journalism in Miami Needs You
We need to raise $10,000 by August 9 to support the reporting our community depends on. Reader support keeps us independent and is playing a larger role in funding local journalism and shaping what comes next. If you believe independent local journalism matters, make a contribution today.
Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 5/30
Charges: Firearm Possession by a Convicted Felon, False Report of a Crime
Lifehack: If you have trouble remembering how old you are simply tattoo your birth year in giant letters across your chest. Don’t be afraid to get creative and make it look like a permanent medallion.
Arrested: 6/05
Charges: Aggravated Battery, Burglary of an Occupied Dwelling
This lady has cried off enough eyeliner and mascara to keep your average high school goth in business for a week. That is so much black eye make up going on there.
Arrested: 6/02
Charges: Cannabis Possession
Her tattoo says “stop hating,” and yet her facial expression makes it seem like she’s doing a lot of hating.
Arrested: 6/03
Charges: Battery, Domestic Violence, Battery on a Police Officer and Resisting Arrest
Ronald and The Grimmace put a little much rum in their Shamrock Shakes one night, and, well, 20 years later they’re still dealing with the repercussions.
Arrested: 5/30
Charges: Grand Theft, Credit Card Fraud, Possession of a Stolen Credit Card
You know this guy has a home DJ set up.
Arrested: 5/30
Charges: Disorderly Intoxication
“At this age I’m just excited someone wants to take my picture.”
Arrested: 5/30
Charges: Cocaine Possession
We’re having a hard time making out this man’s between-brows tattoo. “Lost” would be a really depressing thing to have tattooed on your forehead, so we’re just going to pretend it says “zest,” because this man simply has an uncontrollable zest for life. Zest!
Arrested: 5/02
Charges: Aggravated Assault and Battery on a Person 65 or Older
“Say cheese!”
Arrested: 6/03
Charges: Outboard Motor with Altered Serial Number
This is a face of a man who never saw his arrest coming. Mostly because he has what looks like mayo on one corner of his mouth and a bit of mustard on the other. Dude was probably just enjoying a nice sandwich and then *boom* jail.
Follow Miami New Times on Facebook and Twitter @MiamiNewTimes.
