On Sunday, Tom Brady will play in his tenth Super Bowl when his Tampa Bay Buccaneers face the Kansas City Chiefs at Raymond James Stadium in Super Bowl LV. That last sentence sounds like a bad joke you read on Myspace in 2006 but, incredibly, it is a thing that is true in the year 2021.
Coincidentally, the Miami Dolphins will not play in a Super Bowl this Sunday. This is a thing that is also true in 2021 and has been true every year since 1985, when Tom Brady was eight years old.
To recap: Tom Brady does Super Bowls, and the Miami Dolphins do not.
What have the Miami Dolphins done in the years Brady has made it to the big game? Let's take a trip down memory lane....
2001: New England defeats St. Louis, 20-17
Tom Brady: Won Super Bowl XXXVI.
Miami Dolphins: Went 11-5.
What were the Dolphins up to in 2001? They were actually good! Well, good by what-we're-now-used-to standards.
The Dolphins, led by quarterback Jay Fielder, running back Lamar Smith, and a defense that was nearly unstoppable, went 11-5. They eventually lost 20-3 to the Baltimore Ravens in the AFC wild-card game.
2003: New England defeats Carolina, 32-29
Tom Brady: Won Super Bowl XXXVIII.
Miami Dolphins: Went 10-6.
No playoffs here, but not bad! Welcome to the Ricky Williams portion of the program. "Run, Ricky, Run" ran the ball a career-high 392 times for 1,372 yards and nine touchdowns in 2003. He then quit football and famously went off the grid to smoke weed in tents in places like Australia because, well, the Miami Dolphins were trying to kill him.
Everyone was mad at him then. Looking back on it now, Ricky had the right idea.
2004: New England defeats Philadelphia, 24-21
Tom Brady: Won Super Bowl XXXIX.
Miami Dolphins: Went 4-12.
Yeah, so that Ricky Williams retiring thing? Ended up not working out great! The Dolphins started out the 2004 season 2-11, then somehow beat the Patriots on Monday Night Football in their ridiculous orange-crush jerseys, because of course they did.
Coach Dave Wannstedt resigned midseason. This is sort of where it all started to go to shit. Well, even worse-so.
2007: NY Giants defeat New England, 17-14
Tom Brady: Lost Super Bowl XLII.
Miami Dolphins: Went 1-15.
Welcome to rock bottom, ladies and gentlemen. The innermost geologic layer of the Miami Dolphins' planet of suck. The Dolphins were so incredibly bad in 2007 that fans literally cried when they finally won a game.
Do not ask a Miami Dolphins fan why they are the way they are if you don't look up the 2007 season, check the roster, and see what they've been through. It's a miracle anyone survived these trying times.
2011: NY Giants defeat New England, 21-17
Tom Brady: Lost Super Bowl XLVI.
Miami Dolphins: Went 6-10.
Above, you'll find a video that includes every touchdown the Miami Dolphins scored in 2011. This sounds like a long video! Let's check it out. Oh. It's five minutes long.
This is the season a man named J.P. Losman was a quarterback employed by the Dolphins. There has never been a more fitting name for a Miami Dolphins quarterback than Losman.
2014: New England defeats Seattle, 28-24
Tom Brady: Won Super Bowl XLIX.
Miami Dolphins: Went 8-8.
You're probably starting to remember more of this. It's all coming back to you now. Remember the 2014 season? The season with Ryan Tannehill at quarterback when the Dolphins missed the playoffs? What, I should be more specific? There are, like, seven of those? Good point.
Once upon a time, the Dolphins going 8-8 was horrific. As you can see reading this list, it's actually a fun time, considering everything else they've been through.
2016: New England defeats Atlanta, 34-28
Tom Brady: Won Super Bowl LI
Miami Dolphins: Went 10-6.
Playoffs?! Playoffs! The Miami Dolphins made the playoffs in 2016! This first-year head coach Adam Gase knows what he is doing! After starting the year 1-4, the Dolphin reeled off a 9-2 run and made the postseason.
The only problem was that meant playing the Pittsburgh Steelers in 17-degree weather with Matt Moore at quarterback because Ryan Tannehill was injured. The Dolphins lost, 30-12.
2017: Philadelphia defeats New England, 41-33
Tom Brady: Lost Super Bowl LII.
Miami Dolphins: Went 6-10.
This is where the wheels start to fall off the most current iteration of the Miami Dolphins rebuild that followed a rebuild that prompted the current rebuild the Dolphins may soon rebuild from. After a 4-2 start, the Dolphins lost eight of their last ten games. Very Dolphins-y!
"New Miami" ended up being just old Miami, but in worse uniforms.
2018: New England defeats Los Angeles, 13-3
Tom Brady: Won Super Bowl LIII.
Miami Dolphins: Went 7-9.
The Miami Miracle happened this season! Remember that?! What about that other thing that happened in 2018? No? I remember one — Tom Brady won the Super Bowl.
Everything is so bad! How is this still happening in 2018?!
Tom Brady: Literally made it to the Super Bowl again, this time with the Tampa Bay Bucs.
Miami Dolphins: Went 10-5.
You're reading this on the internet. Tom Brady has basically been kicking the NFL's ass as long as some people have been using the internet. This season, the Dolphins introduced a new quarterback, Tua Tagovailoa, who was three years old when Tom Brady won his first Super Bowl in 2001.
Recently, Tom Brady said he would love to play a few more seasons. See everyone in the same place at the same time next year!
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