Last night's beatdown in Buffalo was so dispiriting that John Lennon rose from the grave to write a tragic ballad about the game. Take it away, John:
Fins are a concept ...
By which we measure ...
Our PAIN ...
I'll say it again ...
Fins are a concept...
By which we measure...
I don't believe in magic
I don't believe in Philbin
I don't believe in Ireland
I don't believe in Ross
I don't believe in Rizzi
I don't believe in Coyle
I don't believe in Smith
I don't believe in Thomas
I don't believe in Hartline
I don't believe in Bess
The season's over ... what can I say?
Our Miami Dolphins are absolutely, positively, without any doubt nowhere near where they want to be or where they should be sooooo many years after they should have been where we wanted them to be. Ya dig? And if you think we're anything closer to that, let's walk through some highlights:
- Poor Ryan Tannehill is morphing into Ryan HENNEhill before our very eyes. We realize it's not entirely his fault (given that he has a man-sized chipmunk as his No. 1 receiver) but the past two performances have been scary reminsicent of a certain robotic No. 2 draft pick robot from Michigan that would consistently checkdown. We hope this is more a symptom of the dogshit talent around him but we really don't know what to think about this Dolphins team anymore. Tannehill was unimpressive again -- going 14-of-28 with 1 TD and 2 INTs. YOU NEED TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!
- Again with the shitty wide receivers and the shitty defensive backs. Nolan Carroll? FOUR penalties against him (albeit, some of them were extremely sensitive and are usually non-calls) that helped propel a very shitty Bills offense downfield for field goal after field goal. Sean Smith? BEDOUIN CAMEL VOMIT. Brian Hartline? For all the ZOMG HE'S GONNA HAVE 15,000,000 YARDS RECEIVING THIS YEAR AND 93 TDs EVEN THOUGH HE'S A LITTLE BABY MUNCHKIN CHIPMUNK SIGN THIS FOREST BEAST RIGHT NOW TO A MULTI-YEAR CONTRACT!11!!!! Well ... NO. Hartline has been well, Brian Hartline for several games now and only a zombie would think otherwise. He is not a No. 1 receiver, he is not Jordy Nelson and he'll be what he's always been: a serviceable third receiver. Forever. I don't care what his teeth say.
- For about three quarters, the defense was again hot garbage. Harvard, slow-as-molasses quarterback Fitzpatrick found ways again and again to elude the pass rush and the Dolphins could not pressure the pocket or cover downfield. Sean Smith, Jimmy Wilson and Nolan Carroll ALL got picked on. Disgusting stuff. To top it off, the formerly-incredible run defense gave up 120 yards total rushing. Turtle dicks!
- Hats off to the Bills' Jairus Byrd, who had an incredible game with a fumble recovery (on the chipmunk fumble) as well as a sick interception on a deep Tannehill pass. Byrd, Darius, Williams and the entire Bills defense was lights-out for about three quarters despite the offense being fairly shitty.
- Marcus Thigpen's kickoff return for a TD (first Dolphin to have a kickoff and TD punt return in a single season) was the lone spark for a waaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long time during this game but Thigpen's contributions this season on special teams have been admirable -- especially considering that we spotted the Bills' 7 on Leodis McElvin's own 79-yard punt return for a TD earlier in the game.
- The Dolphins ran the ball 24 times and about half of those came in the fourth quarter when we suddenly remembered the Bills have the 32nd ranked run defense. The offensive coaches made atrocious play-calling for well on three quarters. Unacceptable given the matchup.
Bottom line: that three-game winning streak was fun and nice and yay! but the Dolphins are not a good team at all -- especially when a four-man rush is CREAMING your $100 million dollar offensive line. It's embarrassing to lose to two teams with lesser talent like this.
So we look forward to hearing any puff pieces about what a great job Jeff Ireland is actually doing or what a fantastic coach Joe Philbin is (especially when he has again and again tried to force his rookie QB to win games on his arm instead of running the ball when we're not down by much) in the next week or so.
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
Fact is, this team has a myriad of holes at key positions, a lack of talent and the play-calling has been borderline stupid over the past few weeks. How much longer should we put up with "rebuilding" projects and ineptitude until we demand RESULTS??? This was a very bad loss against a not very good team. For the second week in a row. The season -- with five losses now and an increasingly difficult schedule coming up -- is over. All we can hope for is the best future draft slot possible to try and improve the talent on this team -- next year and beyond.
But Dolphins fans should feel just like Marlins faithful: Do you really trust the people making the decisions these last 4 seasons of cat diarrhea to make the Fins better going forward?
Your Miami Dolphins are off this Sunday but take on the Seattle Seahawks at home on November 25. Kickoff is at 1 p.m.