José Luis de Jésus Miranda, leader of Miami-Dade-based congregation Creciendo en Gracia and the self-proclaimed "Man Christ," has announced the world will go all apocalyptic July 1, 2012. That's when Miranda claims his physical body will be "transformed, dressed in immortality and incorruptibility." It also happens to be Miranda's 66th birthday. New Times profiled Miranda in 2006, when the former heroin addict was splitting his time between Miami and Missouri City and persuading his followers to shower him with money so he could enjoy the finer things in life, like a diamond-encrusted Pasha watch. How else do you expect the Lamb to tell us lowly humans the exact time the world will blow up in a calamity of earthquakes, hurricanes, plagues, nuclear war, and locusts?
Miranda claims to have hundreds of thousands of followers spread over 103 countries, and they all tune in to his weekly Internet broadcasts. And they don't seem to mind that Miranda uses their charitable donations for personal expenses such as alimony payments to his first wife and buying property in his and his relatives' names. Anyway, Miranda's flock sent over a statement explaining the coming rapture:
Haiti, Chile and recent alarming earthquakes are merely examples of what is yet to come during this judgment period. As today's generation have made a mockery of Jose Luis De Jesus and have taken His Return all too lightly, the Earth groans. The planet will continue to witness the famine, earthquakes, and wars of foretold tribulations that would occur as part of God's direct wrath and judgment right before His transformation.
The signs of the times are clear.Thousands worldwide are marked with the number of His name, 666. The Earth's rotation has accelerated to a speed of 66,666 mph. All prophecies are fulfilling, even scientific, astronomical and numerological formulae are aligning - all pointing to the year 2012, where the Puerto Rican-born Jose Luis De Jesus (Latitude 66.6°) curiously turns 66.Throughout history, this date has been proposed inaccurately 59 times, however The Man Christ Jesus has spoken.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.