Perhaps you've seen it in the newspapers, but for those who just returned from a backpacking trip through the Amazon, we have some very sad and unfortunate news: The 2019 Miami Dolphins are a hideous football team with which you should not, under no circumstances, make eye contact. Close your eyes and imagine the worst Miami Dolphins team you could ever imagine. Now imagine that team left town and the backups are now the starters.
Don't take New Times' word for it, though. Listen to Las Vegas — it knows all. According to Sports Betting Dime, the 0-5 Dolphins' odds of making the playoffs are a WTF-inducing 50,000 to 1. So right now if you put $100 on the Dolphins to make the playoffs (not even the Super Bowl), you could take home $5 million. No big deal.
To put that number in perspective, the 0-6 Cincinnati Bengals have 1,500 to 1 odds of making the postseason. They're not even in the same universe as the Dolphins.
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Sports Betting Dime goes even further in explaining just how bad the Dolphins are this season by pointing out Miami's point differential is sitting at -138 after five games, putting the team on pace for a -441-point difference. To give some historical context, the worst point differential in NFL history was -287 by the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Those odds come after four of the first five Dolphins games were played at home. One can safely assume it will only get worse from here. Hold onto your butts, Miami Dolphins fans, because we're in for one helluva #TankForTua ride the rest of the way. In the meantime, if you're feeling lucky and want to look like a great fan, throw $10 on the Dolphins to shock the universe and somehow win the AFC wildcard. You'll have plenty to spend on playoff tickets.
Or you could save your $10 and spend it on literally anything else. Buy some dog food even if you don't have a dog. It would be a better investment.
The Dolphins will get a chance to prove Vegas and everyone else wrong Sunday when they face the Buffalo Bills. Vegas has the Dolphins as a -17-point underdog. No one believes in the team in the short term — or even the long term. We can't say we blame them.