Study: Global Warming Could Lead to Less Sex

If you're a Miamian and you still don't care about the threat that global warming poses to the very continued existence of our city, perhaps there's another way we could get you to care. Turns out a new study co-authored by researchers from Tulane University, University of California-Santa Barbara, and University of Central Florida suggests that global warming may lead to less sex. The details of the study were released by the National Bureau of Economic Research

Yes, not only will global warming drown the very land underneath your feet, but it may also hamper the use of the thing between your legs. 

The idea behind the finding is actually pretty simple. In the most basic terms, researches looked at how hot it was during a certain time period and compared that data to the number of babies born within the next nine to ten months. 

According to Bloomberg Business, the paper found that when it's hotter than 80 degrees out, there's a noticeable decrease in resultant births. One extra-hot day a year can lead to a 0.4 drop in birth rates, which, across the nation, translates into 1,165 babies who weren't born. 

That actually could explain why you seem to be going to so many birthday parties in July, August, and September. Those babies would have been conceived in the breezy months of late autumn and early winter. To wit, this chart from VizWiz shows the most and least common birthdays in America.

But the researches go a step further and wonder what effects climate change could have on birth rates. Turns out that when temperatures get a bit chillier, people start reproducing again at normal rates, but they don't make up for lost time. Which means that as far as birth rates are concerned, there's no bounce-back once things gets cooler.

The research doesn't claim to answer why people tend to have more sex when it's colder, but perhaps this is where you can fantasize about sex, you know, in the name of science! Imagine it's cold out, you start cuddling with your bae under the covers, one thing leads to another, and nine months later, you're shopping for good deals on strollers on Amazon. Whereas if you try doing that when it's hot out, you get all sweaty and sticky, and things start to smell a little, and, well, turns out "I actually have a big meeting in the morning. I should get some sleep." 

But maybe you're thinking, Well, it's hot as hell in Miami almost all the time, and I still get laid all the time, bro! Which, hey, good for you. The research has an explanation for that, too, though: air conditioning. Which seems obvious. The paper suggests that home climate control may have helped offset some of the effects warmer temperatures have on drops in birth rates. 

Clearly, a well-maintained A/C system is a necessary for a bachelor or bachelorette pad. In fact, maybe those local A/C repair company billboards that get your attention by proclaiming "You wife is hot!" are really onto something. 

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