Would you like to see Miami's favorite sports stars make themselves look 30 years older and maybe give all of their personal data to the Russians at the same time? Well, boy, do we have an app and a story for you!
By now you've heard of FaceApp, the current viral flavor-of-the-month app. It has the uncanny ability to transform a picture of you (or anyone else whose photo is uploaded to its database) into a picture of you as a resident of a Boca Raton assisted living facility. The app spits out horrifying images of what anyone will look like in 30 years.
This week, you couldn't scroll more than five seconds on your social media timeline without getting hit in the face with someone's version of their future geriatric self. Everyone, from LeBron James to the Jonas Brothers, has plugged themselves into the application. What started out as a fun-loving jokey-joke app early in the week turned a tad dark by Wednesday, when users began to discover the app was based in Russia. Thus, your selfies, pictures of your dog, and maybe Wells Fargo log-in information belongs to Vladimir Putin and the KGB.
So until Russia steals all of our 401(k)s and turns off the power grid, let's have fun with FaceApp! We've collected some of your favorite local sports stars' FaceApp makeovers. Enjoy!
Dwyane Wade or Bill Russell? You decide.
Chris Bosh not caring if you know he definitely ate the sandwich in the fridge that clearly had your name written on it. Even if you have it on tape, it wasn't him.
Udonis Haslem breaking his own NBA record of 55 seasons in the NBA. He's still worth his weight in gold as the 15th roster spot even at this advanced age and after missing last season due to double knee replacement surgery.
In the year 2046, this will be the Miami Heat’s final roster spot and it will be perfectly fine by us. pic.twitter.com/1Tuhwi4i7X— ballscast (@BALLSCAST) July 16, 2019
Josh Rosen, now in his 30th year as coach of the Miami Dolphins, leaving while the ancient Miami Herald reporter Armando Salguero asks him another question about Colin Kaepernick.
Uncle Jimmy "Buckets" Butler (he makes you call him Uncle Buckets) turning heads at the family-reunion cookout because it looks like he's had too much to drink — while everyone is setting up under the gazebo at 7 am.
Goran Dragic playing a White Walker in the Game of Thrones reboot circa 2059.
The way some Heat fans talk about Goran you’d swear he actually looks like this pic.twitter.com/BJDd2EzJeD— Miami Heat Beat (@miaheatbeat) July 16, 2019
LeBron James, now the owner of the Miami Heat, watching practice while his son and Dwyane Wade's son compete for their 13th title together in Heat uniforms.
Here's a collage of Heat players, including Tyler Herro (top right) looking like every guy at a poker table in Las Vegas, and Bam Adebayo (bottom left) looking like the last man you'd want to find out is your new girlfriend's father.
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Pat Riley is already nearing 80, so Twitter user @AdamSmoot used the FaceApp technology on a picture of the veteran as a young buck. The results were literally real life now. This app knows things.
So there you have it — an assortment of images of your favorite sports stars, only old. It's magic! As more very important updates on this matter come into the New Times news desk, we will add additional images to this post to create an even more thorough database of Miami sports stars as old farts.