Wondering if you've hit absolute rock bottom yet? Well, have you mugged your pregnant ex-girlfriend for a couple hundred bucks, laid low in the woods for a few hours and then gotten caught by police hiding next to a bait shack behind someplace called "Hobo's Restaurant"?
No? In that case, Ryan Pettit, a 25-year-old boat repairman in Key Largo, officially beat you to the bottom of the barrel.
Around 3:30 yesterday afternoon, Pettit's ex-girlfriend, Charlene Penn, picked up $200 in cash from a Western Union inside Denny's Latin Cafe in Key Largo.
As she was walking back to her car and stuffing the cash into her purse, Pettit snatched the bag out of her hands and dashed away, according to a police report.
His ex tried to give chase, but "because she was pregnant, she was unable to catch him," the police write.
We Believe Local Journalism is Critical to the Life of a City
Engaging with our readers is essential to Miami New Times's mission. Make a financial contribution or sign up for a newsletter, and help us keep telling Miami's stories with no paywalls.
Support Our Journalism
A few hours later, Penn called the police again because she'd found Pettit hiding out at a bait shack behind the fantastically named Hobo's Restaurant.
The cops nabbed Pettit, who was armed with a folding knife, and charged him with felony robbery.
Pettit's been charged with dozens of infractions in Monroe County, mostly minor tobacco and alcohol-related charges and traffic cases. He does have another charge of battery filed on October 1.