Poop Bandits Arrested For Defiling St. Pete's Finest Swimming Pool

Two teens in St. Petersburg, Florida evidently decided to while away their fading halcyon days of youth with a time-honored American tradition: Sneaking into the fanciest hotel pool in town and pooping all over that bastard.

What, like you've never done it? (Looking at you Kim Kardashian.)

It was the perfect heist -- until the coppers caught up to the bowel-movement bandits lounging in the hot tub.

Just before midnight this Wednesday, 18-year-old Andrew Harris and his 19-year-old buddy Michael Cline snuck over a security fence and jumped into the pool at the Renaissance Vinoy Resort & Golf Club, according to the local ABC affiliate.

That's when things got nasty. A security video showed that Harris "defecated in his shorts, reached into his shorts and fling feces all over the pool," then grabbed more shit, swam to the bottom of the pool, and smeared a giant poopy X.

Hotel management, after presumably throwing up a little in their mouths, told police it would cost thousands of dollars to drain and clean the pool and to repay guests who wouldn't be able to swim for a few days.

Harris and Cline each face a felony charge of burglary.

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Tim Elfrink is a former investigative reporter and managing editor for Miami New Times. He has won the George Polk Award and was a finalist for the Goldsmith Prize for Investigative Reporting.
Contact: Tim Elfrink