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Patriots Roasted Dolphins So Badly CBS Cut Away From Game at Halftime
Photo by George Martinez

Patriots Roasted Dolphins So Badly CBS Cut Away From Game at Halftime

The Miami Dolphins entered Sunday's game against the New England Patriots looking to make a statement. They had a chance to not only move to 4-0 but also drop the Pats into last place in the AFC East, a full three games behind the Fins in the divisional standings with only 25 percent of the season gone. Everything was there for the taking if the Dolphins could find a way to beat the Patriots in Foxboro.

Spoiler alert: The Dolphins did not find a way to beat the Patriots in Foxboro. After three hours of Googling "how to beat the Patriots in Foxboro," the Dolphins found no results on YouTube and nothing on Reddit, so they gave up, got on a plane, and took their happy asses home.

Tom Brady is now 15-1 against the Dolphins at home. He's still not too old to kick Miami's ass up and down a football field. Maybe next year.

The final score was bad — 38-7. At halftime, though, CBS decided it was so bad it would save the rest of America from having to watch the end of what was at that point a 31-0 game with few redeeming qualities for anyone outside New England or South Florida.

Predictably, the move didn't sit well with both Dolphins fans nationwide who preferred to watch the second half of their team's ass-whooping or with transplanted Patriots fans who wanted to savor every moment of that Miami ass-stomping. None of them took it well when they were forced to watch the Bengals-Falcons matchup instead:

The good news is the Dolphins are still in first place. Like, today. Still. Somehow that's still true. The bad news is the Dolphins will have to do some serious sex on the football field to make anyone believe they are ready to overtake the Patriots again at least this season.

The Dolphins showed some improvement in the first three games, but yesterday was an epic embarrassment. They'll have a shot to heal some wounds next week in Cincinnati.

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