Spoiler alert: The Dolphins did not find a way to beat the Patriots in Foxboro. After three hours of Googling "how to beat the Patriots in Foxboro," the Dolphins found no results on YouTube and nothing on Reddit, so they gave up, got on a plane, and took their happy asses home.
Tom Brady is now 15-1 against the Dolphins at home. He's still not too old to kick Miami's ass up and down a football field. Maybe next year.
The final score was bad — 38-7. At halftime, though, CBS decided it was so bad it would save the rest of America from having to watch the end of what was at that point a 31-0 game with few redeeming qualities for anyone outside New England or South Florida.
Predictably, the move didn't sit well with both Dolphins fans nationwide who preferred to watch the second half of their team's ass-whooping or with transplanted Patriots fans who wanted to savor every moment of that Miami ass-stomping. None of them took it well when they were forced to watch the Bengals-Falcons matchup instead:
This regional NFL broadcasting thing that determines which game is shown on your local channel really burns my arse!!! Sure, I'm in Ohio...but who TF wants to watch Cincinnati Bengals vs Atlanta Falcons instead of the Miami Dolphins vs New England Patriots! WTF CBS!!!!
— Chris Barnette™ (@Skyline247) September 30, 2018
Dear @cbs @NFLonCBS I don’t want to watch a “more competive game” I want to watch my Patriots and Dolphins game. I’m a #patriots fan in the west coast, I barely see their games. Very disappointed
— Jas (@jasdb_) September 30, 2018
WTF @CBS don’t switch my @Patriots game just because my team is killing the Dolphins! I NEED TO SEE THIS WIN! Fuck this is why I prefer @DIRECTV feed than local channels DAMN YOU NYC CBS
— LadyBrady (@NYPatsFan21) September 30, 2018
What the hell is CBS sports doing! I paid my cable company to watch the Patriots and Dolphins today and CBS sports changes over to the Bengals and Falcons halfway through the 3rd quarter because their game is more competitive???? Ruined my Sunday @CBSSports @NFL @Patriots
— Rick Weber (@RWDriftwood) September 30, 2018
The LA CBS broadcast: "For those of you watching the Patriots blank the Dolphins, we now bring you to a more competitive game." *changes to CIN vs ATL* #savage
— Jon D (@JackTheWire) September 30, 2018
@CBS WHAT THE ACTUAL F#% ARE YOU DOING WITH THE #PATRIOTS AND #DOLPHINS GAME RIGHT NOW? YOU CANT JUST SWITCH TO ANOTHER GAME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME!! I CANT EVEN WATCH THE GAME ON @NFL TICKET BC ITS BLACKED OUT FOR YOUR F#%ING CHANEL!!! I HOPE YOU GET SUED YOU PIECE OF SH#%!
— C (@CAESARTheGiant) September 30, 2018
The good news is the Dolphins are still in first place. Like, today. Still. Somehow that's still true. The bad news is the Dolphins will have to do some serious sex on the football field to make anyone believe they are ready to overtake the Patriots again at least this season.This regional NFL broadcasting thing that determines which game is shown on your local channel really burns my arse!!! Sure, I'm in Ohio...but who TF wants to watch Cincinnati Bengals vs Atlanta Falcons instead of the Miami Dolphins vs New England Patriots! WTF CBS!!!!
— Chris Barnette™ (@Skyline247) September 30, 2018
The Dolphins showed some improvement in the first three games, but yesterday was an epic embarrassment. They'll have a shot to heal some wounds next week in Cincinnati.