#HeatTwitter, here is your chance to use your terrifying social media powers for good; stuff the ballot box and send Udonis Haslem to the NBA All-Star game.
No, I'm not joking. Years ago you almost got Joel Anthony there. You're capable of anything.
Udonis has just about it all. He's spent his entire life — from high school to a decade-plus long NBA career — playing basketball in the State of Florida for a living. He's the Miami Heat's all-time rebounding leader. He's a three-time NBA champion. He's accomplished everything he could have ever asked for and more during his amazing career with the Heat.
But he's never been an NBA All-Star. And that's where you come in. What do you get the man who has everything for Christmas? Something he can't buy. Something he can only come close to doing with your help.
Every shady ballot-box-stuffing suggestion is on the table. I'm talking fake email accounts with fake Twitter accounts. I'm talking anonymous outside-the-box type stuff, here. Nothing illegal, but nothing fair. Come to think of it, that should be your campaign slogan.
This is your chance to at show one of your all-time local sports heroes how much he has meant to you. It's an undeniably daunting task, but just the mere inexplicable good showing in the polls by Haslem would show just how much Heat fans appreciate him, and would be an especially nice gesture in a season that very well could be his last.
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Let this blog be the jumping-off point for the campaign. There are many ways you can vote, one of which is to simple retweet this article into your Twitter timeline or post it to your Facebook. The hashtag #NBAVOTE is in the title along with the name Udonis Haslem, which is all it takes to vote.
The NBA has made it simple stupid for you, there are many ways to vote. Here are a few options below.
- Go the old school way and fill out an entire ballot on NBA.com. Nobody does this anymore, but knock yourself out if you're feeling super 1990s.
- On Twitter, you can tweet, retweet, or reply with the name Udonis Haslem and the hashtag #NBAVOTE. Fans can easily vote each day for the same player this way. Literally the only way to make it easier to vote would be if the NBA said "just say the players name in your home and that counts" or "think of a name."
- On Facebook, you can place #NBAVOTE and Udonis Haslem in a post on your personal account, or comment on another's Facebook post. Spam the shit out of your Grandma, then tell her to get all her friends from bingo to do the same to their family and friends.
- On Instagram, you can post an original photo with the hashtag #NBAVOTE and the player's first and last name in the photo caption. Just post that selfie you were going to post anyway, but add Udonis Haslem and the hashtag #NBAVOTE to it, don't be an asshole.
- Text Udonis Haslem to 6-9-6-2-2 ("MYNBA") on any wireless device. Then text your friends to do the same thing. Then take your Mom's phone and do it. Then stand on a table at a restaurant and tell everyone to do it.
- Google search "NBA Vote All-Star", click the Heat card, then click on Udonis Haslem's face. Then go to the Apple Store and do it on every computer there. Then go to the library and do the same. Then write down on an index card that if you do this Google mails you $10 and place said card above your apartment complex's community mailbox.
Voting ends Monday, January 18, 2016, at 11:59 p.m. Let's show Udonis Haslem some love. Operation Udonis Star has begun.