“Miss Cougar Miami” to Be Crowned at Cougar Convention in December

Despite the fact it’s devolved into some weird parody of itself, the cougar movement continues unabated in its quest to break down the last great straight-relationship taboo: the older woman and the younger man. They already have sitcoms, movies, books, and themed cruises — and now they’re having a convention. One will be held right here in Miami this December, during which “Miss Cougar Miami” will be crowned.

The event is being sponsored by a pack of cougar groups, called the Society of Single Professionals, and swingers’ vacation mecca Hedonism II. It’ll take place December 2, 2010, at the Embassy Suites Hotel by Miami International Airport.

“Age discrimination is perhaps the most pervasive prejudice in American Society,” keynote speaker Rich Gosse says in a news release. That sound of a million eyes rolling you just heard was brought to you by minorities and the GLBT community everywhere. 

“Older women, in particular, are victimized by our youth-obsessed society. They are regarded as ‘non-sexy’. Supposedly every American male is only attracted to nubile 20-year-olds found in the centerfolds of men’s magazines. The truth is that there are millions of American men who find older women attractive, and we will prove it at the Cougar Convention and Cougar Cruise!”

The event will crown a “Miss Cougar Miami.” Any woman 35-years or older, legally single, and at the convention is eligible. The winner will be chosen by a group of younger men, which isn’t weird or sexist at all. The winner receives a free stay at sex resort Hedonism II.

After the convention, many attendants will set sail on the International Cougar Cruise on NCL’s Norwegian Sky. You might remember earlier this year when Carnival Cruise lines caused a stir by banning cougar cruises. That hasn’t stopped other companies from turning their ships into cougar dens.

This all sounds just absolutely charming, but please, no one tell my mother about it.