Miami Heat Players Get Part-Time Jobs During Lockout

With the player lockout putting the 2011-2012 NBA season into question, it's only a matter of time before the league's poor, mistreated multi-millionaires are forced to pick up second jobs for rent money, car payments and general "make it rain all over the poor people" supplies.

But, without marketable skills that don't involve stuffing a round thing into a round thing, the players are rapidly being forced to take jobs a little lower than their usual pay scale. Here's a list of five Miami Heat players who have already taken up second jobs.

LEBRON JAMES: Fast-food worker
Burger King James!
Juwan Howard: Wal-Mart greeter
He meets the age requirement, and certainly looks lovely in that vest.
Chris Bosh: Urinal
It's not that he deserves it, but he is much better equipped than most to do the job.
Dwyane Wade: Shoe salesman
He's got style and a long history of wearing shoes that make all the ladies swoon. It only fits that he take his footwear discretion to the nearest mall.

Zydrunas Ilgauskas: Sofa
He's big and cushy and just right for your living room!

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Rich Abdill
Contact: Rich Abdill