Audio By Carbonatix
We’ve had the worst luck with our quarterbacks since Dan
Marino retied in 1999. And now, with Chad Pennington’s shoulder turning to
shredded wheat last Sunday, it looks like the Chad Henne era is upon us sooner
than anticipated.
Henne comes with a rep for underachieving as a 4-year
starter at Michigan, and carries the weight of the inevitable comparisons to
fellow draft classmates, quarterbacks Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco, whom the Fins
chose to forego in favor of Henne. Now he’s being called to resuscitate a
floundering Dolphins season, and a floundering Dolphins franchise.
Henne’s big, immobile and stiff in the pocket. And his
throwing mechanics are very viscid and automated. He also seems to be devoid of
any emotion, whether during games or during interviews. This evidence clearly
suggests that Chad Henne is, in fact, a robot from the 50’s. And it’ll take a
robot – particularly one from the 50s – to handle the bucket of crap he
inherits as he enters his first career NFL start.
Henne takes over an 0-3 team with a crappy receiving corps
to work with and an impatient fanbase breathing down his neck. Not to mention
the god-like shadow of Dan Marino hovering over him wherever he turns. The good
news is he’s making his debut this Sunday against the Buffalo Bills. The same
exact team Marino made his first career start against. I’m not one to believe
in signs or omens unless the signs and omens pointed to some sort of run-in
with my face and Scarlett Johansson’s tits, but I’d like to think that this
might be a good harbinger of things to come. Marino completed 19 of 29 passes
and threw 3 touchdowns in that first game against the Bills, on his way to a
record shattering, icon-making, Hall of Fame career.
Yes, we’ve had the worst luck with our quarterbacks around
here since Marino retired. But this time, things could be different. This time
a Robot shall lead us. Unless Henne accidentally slips on the infield dirt and
breaks his tailbone, or a cement truck falls on his head, or fails to oil up
during pregame warm ups, or Kanye West shows up in the middle of the
game-winning drive, this time nothing will interrupt us from finally having The
Answer at the quarterback position that has dogged us for a decade.
Hopefully.
Maybe.
Prediction: Dolphins 24 – Bills 20
