After an entire calendar year of the NBA gods pissing in the Miami Heat's Cheerios, the powers that be finally decided to send a little sunshine to Biscayne Bay last week in the form of 6' 6", 220-pound Duke University forward appropriately named Justise. Nobody expected Justise Winslow to last until the Heat's tenth pick — including the team — but then it happened. It happened to a franchise and fan base that has coined the term #ofcourse for all the Murphy's Law crap they've had to deal with lately.
But that's in the past now, and Justise Winslow is a member of the Miami Heat.
So who isthe Heat's next star-in-waiting? South Floridians aren't exactly the biggest college basketball fans. Experts keep telling us we got a steal with Winslow, but how do we judge for ourselves?
We do our homework, that's how, with in-depth statistical analysis.
Nope, just kidding. We are not going to do that at all. Instead, let's read up on some Justise Winslow Facts, almost all of them completely unrelated to the sport of basketball.
— Winslow's favorite meal is peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but not just any PB&J. His recipe for the perfect PB&J includes toasted multigrain bread, peanut butter, grape jelly, and jalapeño peppers. Winslow says he probably throws back 365 of these a year. Wait, WHAT THE HELL DID I WRITE ONE SENTENCE AGO?
— If Winslow were an actual animal on the court, he says he would be a black panther. He would also be ineligible to play in the NBA, but that's just semantics.
— Winslow learned to play defense because he had four older siblings who would never let him score, so all he could do was work on stopping them from scoring. Basically, his entire strategy was to nil-nil the shit out of his brothers and sisters until they submitted; then he would lay it up for the win over their lifeless bodies.
— If he could choose any three dinner guests, they would be Jackie Robinson, James Brown, and Marilyn Monroe. Afterward, he would want to ask Marilyn Monroe on a date. What comes after GILF?
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.