A few weeks ago I met a guy that I really like. We’ve been going out on dates to restaurants, movies and etc., but I’m still not sure if he has a girlfriend or not. I kind of think that he does because he’s never let me come over his house, and sometimes I can’t reach him by cell phone for hours on end. But, he always has a good excuse when I question him. He really feels like someone that I would like to get to know better, but honestly I just don’t want to deal with any bullshit. But I also don’t want him to feel like I’m some crazy, detective bitch. Any suggestions on how I can get to the bottom of this without launching a complete investigation on this guy.
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Don’t worry mama, you’re not wrong to want to break out the spycam on this dude. It’s totally healthy to doubt the word of someone you don’t really know, and from the little bit that you’ve told me about this guy, your suspicions seem pretty reasonable. Besides, one of the most difficult parts of a relationship – besides a divorce – can be the getting-to-know-you phase. This is when you have those hours-long interrogations where you’re drilling each other on everything from your favorite brand of peanut butter to how hard you like your ass smacked on a Sunday. I'll assume that you’ve been completely open and honest with him so far, so it’s absolutely normal for one stuttered response or his refusal to answer a question to send you into a doubt-filled tailspin. And while he may have good reason for holding out on the info, it also makes him look secretive and elusive. And unless you’re the fuckin’ Phantom of the Opera, secret and elusive are both no-no’s. So what do you do? If you two were actually in a relationship I would tell you to confront him straight out about his inconsistencies, and if he still refused to answer, to leave his ass. But since you are still just dating this guy, I say chill.
He may be the type of person that likes to reveal himself slowly, which can be just as alluring as knowing everything all at once. It can be seductive to unwrap this guy's heart bit by bit instead of all in one shot. Plus, you two haven’t made a commitment to each other yet so technically he doesn’t have to tell you shit. Of course you should continue to ask him those Needta Noe questions, just be smooth about it. If you want to be invited into his house, make him an offer he can’t refuse; like a home-cooked meal or some nice, warm pussy. Then, once you get inside, that’s when you use your Law & Order-honed skills to investigate some shit. Avoid the amateur spy techniques, like searching the medicine cabinet (those Gillette Pink razors may be his) or the fridge (he may really like apple martinis) – and pay attention to subtleties like his magazine collection, the kind of lotion he uses, or if his place smells like a fuckin rose bush. And if none of that tells you anything, in the middle of your meal, try telling him that you hear someone in the driveway. It sounds simple, but the way that people deal with surprise guests is a good way to tell what kind of life they’re living. If he freaks out and tries to push you out the back door, he’s definitely somebody’s boyfriend; if not, he’s single and just has some rude-ass friends that like to pop up unannounced. And always remember that too many red flags can either mean that your suspicions are real or that this guy is just too guarded for his own good and really needs to be with a bitch less nosy than you.
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