I have a major crush on this girl, but every man she seemed to want was nothing like me, so for years I never let her know my true feelings. The truth is, I stayed in the friend-zone because I was afraid to step to her the wrong way and mess up any chance I might have had. So for almost six years I’ve spent hours chillin’ with this girl, talking about our dreams, talking shit, laughing, drinking, smoking, doing all the things that homies do. Honestly, I feel like I may actually love this girl, but I don’t know what to do, but I damn sure don’t want to sit back and do nothing anymore. Now she has a man – and maybe she's happy – but Kitty, am I wrong for wanting to lick her from her pussy-hole to her ass-hole? This guy literally snatched her away when I was almost ready to make my move, but is it too late for me say what I should have said years ago?
Procrastinatin’ and Hatin’
Procrastinin’ (can I call you P?), I guess you never heard that saying about the early bird getting the worm. Actually, fuck the fowl, I would compare your approach to the fable of the tortoise and the hare because some bunny came in and stole the prize while you were still trying to grow the balls to speak up. I understand taking things slow, but come on P, it took you six years to even type your desire to lick this chick. So now you’re wondering if it’s too late to confess your feelings? My answer is, hell no. Remember, the tortoise’s slow-ass did end up winning the race so you’re not completely out of the game…yet. Plus, I never advise giving up, not even to procrastinatin’ panty wearing dudes that stand cowering in the friend-zone while the next man is making power plays. Not that that’s you P, I’m just sayin’.
So here’s what you do. First take off your skirt…..I kid. First, call up your good buddy and arrange one of your legendary smoke/drink sessions. Then use the opportunity, and her inebriated state, to spill your guts. Stay away from bad-mouthing her new dude, but go for the gusto when telling her how you feel. Yes, things may get weird after you mention the love and the hole-licking, but the beauty is that if it does, you can blame it all on the liquor and the weed. Chances are, you’ve said stupid shit under the influence before and she’ll just laugh you off. But, you never know, she may say that she feels the same way, that she’s been scared to tell you, and then her legs will fly open faster than you can say goodthingscometothosewhowait.
Got a question? Email the Magic City Kitty.