The thread, included below in its entirety, has become a communal therapy session for anyone who's ever had their nostrils assaulted by an overzealous spritz in Magic City. What begins as a complaint about cologne quickly transforms into a full-scale analysis of Miami's unique scent culture.
Here's what the locals have to say — unfiltered and unforgettable.
A Question of Convenience
Cologne as a replacement for hygiene? According to Redditor The-Rev, it's a time-saving strategy: "It's because showering takes too long."That explanation brings back memories of high school P.E. culture.
Puzzleheaded-Top4516 chimes in: "They learned it by the public schools not giving them time to shower after PE."
While Redditor CallofRanger13 adds a personal touch: "It was always Axe Body Spray back then. I had Old Spice myself, but I mainly used it because I always worried about smelling bad after P.E."
For many Miamians, this blend of practicality and desperation seems all too familiar.
Middle School Memories
For many, the obsession with cologne started early.Redditor mundotaku recalls a particular part of their life: "I remember when I began studying on MDC [Miami-Dade College], Axe body spray was in fashion. It was horrific."
The memories strike a throwback thought with Redditor Honest-Finish-7507, who adds, "Anyone remember when the boys in middle school would opt out for Axe body spray over showering?"
But it wasn't just middle school. Mundotaku continues, "I would guess people in college took the shower AND used Axe. In college, I used to use Old Spice shower gel AND Axe." They even reminisce about the days before Axe: "I went to middle school before Axe, and the smell was just of sweaty armpit."
The battle of scents reached a climax when Honest-Finish-7507 posed the ultimate question: "Which do you prefer if you have a choice, sweaty armpit or Axe?" Mundotaku's decisive response? "Axe. The smell of rotten onion is never a choice."
It seems Miami's middle schoolers turned every classroom into a high-stakes olfactory war zone.
Miami's Cologne Philosophy
When it comes to self-awareness, user gwizondem delivers what may be the definitive summary of the city's relationship with cologne: "There will always be a moment in a man's life when 'am I wearing too much cologne?' will be asked of himself. The answer in Miami is always 'No.'"The phenomenon even has a name, thanks to Umbra427: "COLOGNE TYPHOON."
Miami's cologne culture doesn't do subtlety.
The cologne crisis infiltrates even the most sacred parts of Miami life. Redditor AviMcQ's heartbreaking tale sums it up: "I got a coffee one day, and the lid smelled of cologne so badly I could not drink the coffee." Honest-Finish-7507, ever empathetic, replies: "Man, I love and need my morning coffee, that's horrible!"
Overpowering the Lifestyle
Public transportation and rideshares present their own challenges."It's not just in Miami anymore," says Redditor sushilovesnori. "I took an Uber tonight, and it was so rife with the driver's cologne, I got dizzy and nauseous. It wasn't a bad cologne, it was just way overpowering in such a small space."
SnooSeagulls2776 has a simple solution for this: "Ubers wearing strong colognes should be illegal."
For No_Loan_9587, however, it's sometimes the lesser of two evils: "Step up from the B.O. ride I got back from MIA [Miami International Airport] the other day."
Even Asha Elias, New Times' dating and relationship guru, weighs in on this part of the thread. "I think Ubers are the worst offenders, but [I] have also been scent assaulted at the gym, the airport, and anywhere else people are congregating," she says.
Redditor Sergei-rivers doesn't hold back about the gym experience: "Try having a workout at the gym, ugh."
Bisontruffle adds a more poetic spin with this metaphor: "It's a midday Miami shower."
Elias suggests the thread is a wake-up call.
"This is the PSA we all needed," she declares. "Imposing on us your heavy cologne is a form of toxic masculinity that needs to die with the other bad dating habits of 2024."
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