Well, tasteful male nudity has kept Don Bailey Carpets in business for all these years, so the fact that the Miami Marlins' sole remaining star, Giancarlo Stanton, decided to strip down to his birthday suit for ESPN Magazine's annual Body Issue could only help the Marlins' ticket sales.
Pics after the jump are a bit NSFW, but they're a tasteful NSFW.
The 23-year-old, 6'6", 250-pound slugger is among the dozens of athletes, but the only one from South Florida, to participate in the mag's annual celebration of the human body.
Apparently Stanton's body maintenance routine is stunningly simple.
"Push-ups and sit-ups are my go-to. It is the simplest routine and the best thing to maintain my stomach and chest," he tells ESPN. "I'll do about 100 of each a day, usually when I'm already warmed up. I do 50, 50, 50, 50, then roll out. It takes less than five minutes."
OK, we know that's in addition to his regular Marlins training, but, like, damn is that really all it takes? Hold on, doing 100 push-ups right now.
But Stanton still has body image issues like us mere mortals.
"Sometimes I'll be like, 'I don't look as strong as I should' or 'You've got to work on this and get it looking better,''' he says. "So yeah, I'm hard on myself. Especially living in two beach cities (L.A. in the offseason), I'm always somewhere with my shirt off."
Dammit. If someone who looks like that still feels insecure in Miami, this city's physical standards are whack.