Heat Playoffs: Heat Fail to Sweep 76ers

The Miami Heat shot 39 percent from the floor, went 5-for-23 from the three-point line, got only 16 total points from their bench, zero points from their starting point guard, and 1 point from their starting center.

But all everyone is going to remember from their 86-82 Game 4 loss to the Philadelphia 76ers is that LeBron James is the least clutchiest human person to ever try to be clutch, even though he finished the day with 31 points and 7 rebounds. KNEE-JERK CLUTCH TALK! FUCK YEA!

As it has been in three out of the four games so far in this series, the Heat started off playing basketball like old people screw.

In Game 1, the 76ers started things off with a 25-11 lead. In Game 3, it was a 13-4 start for Philly. On Sunday, the 6ers came out of the gates with a 20-6 lead. In Games 1 and 3, the Heat was able to overcome. On Sunday, it finally bit them in the ass.

The main problem is that Erik Spoelstra continues to insist on starting Treebeard Zydrunas Ilgauskas at center against a quick, young, athletic Philadelphia squad.

And then there's Mike Bibby and his amazing feats of suck. Bibby has been non-existent for the most part in this series, and on Sunday he finished 0-for-6 with zero points. Bibby was signed by Miami to bring his veteran experience and three-point shooting ability. However, his three-point shots have all but disappeared. But if his veteran experience includes playing like ass, then mission accomplished!

Yet even with the rest of the Heat doing that thing where they shit the bed, the Big Three of LeBron, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh kept Miami in the game. Wade alone was able to turn the Heat's first quarter 16-point deficit to a one-point lead when he went ballistic in the second quarter, shooting 6-for-6 and scoring 16 points before the half. D-Wade also finished with five blocks.

The Heat's defense managed to force Philadelphia to miss eight straight down the stretch, blocking shots and holding it down until the final 1:30 of regulation.

Then the sucksplosion happened.

The Heat fell into a scoring drought and saw a six-point lead dwindle to nothing when Philadelphia's Jrue Holiday and Lou Williams hit back-to-back threes.

At the tail end of the 76er's 10-0 run at the end of the game, D-Wade became very un-D-Wade-like.

Rather than getting the ball to LeBron on a pick-and-roll, Wade went to Mario Chalmers in the corner instead. And if history has taught us anything, it's that you never go to Mario Chalmers in the corner over LeBron. Chalmers, of course, missed the shot and the 6ers pounced. Williams then answered with a three with 28 seconds remaining after Wade softened up his one-on-one defense.

And just like that, in the span of 90 seconds, Wade's otherwise ballstastic 22-point, 5-block performance, punched the Heat square in the pills with bad offense and bad defense.

The final play was drawn up for LeBron to attack the rim for the tie. But Elton Brand tipped the ball, causing James' shot to go wide.

The Heat lost, the 76ers forced a Game 5, and the Internet blew up with the usual "LeBron chokes down the stretch" talk.

So, to recap: Big Z is one of those talking trees from Lord of the Rings, the Heat love to spot the 76ers double-digit leads, Mike Bibby might be dead, and D-Wade played some really bad basketball in the final two minutes of this game. But let's all shit in LeBron's mouth because meh, why not.

Game 5 is on Wednesday at the American Airlines Arena at 7:00 p.m.

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