Five teens have been arrested following a robbery in Marion County, Florida in which they allegedly stole the cremated remains of the homeowner's father and two Great Danes. The teens thought the ashes were either cocaine or heroin. This is only slightly stupider than the time Keith Richards admitted to snorting his father's remains up with actual cocaine.
The victim returned to her Silver Springs Shores homes last month to discover several items, including electronics and jewelry were missing, but most disturbing of all was the missing ashes of her father and dogs.
After investigating the matter, police found out the five suspects thought the remains were coke or heroin. They then proceeded to snort the remains. Once they realized they weren't they ditched the ashes somewhere, and police have yet to recover them.
Yeah, real bad asses, guys. Not only can you not pull off a home burglary without getting caught, but you can't even tell real drugs from human remains. Kids today are such losers they can't even be loser thugs correctly. If they end up in prison they'll probably get busted for trying to smuggle in baggies of oregano.
Waldo Soroa, 19, Matrix Andaluz, 18, Jose David Diaz Marrero, 19, and two other under-aged accomplices were arrested for the burglary and another failed break in in the same community.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.