Crime

Florida Robbers Snort Man's Ashes Thinking They Were Cocaine

Five teens have been arrested following a robbery in Marion County, Florida in which they allegedly stole the cremated remains of the homeowner's father and two Great Danes. The teens thought the ashes were either cocaine or heroin. This is only slightly stupider than the time Keith Richards admitted to snorting his father's remains up with actual cocaine.


The victim returned to her Silver Springs Shores homes last month to discover several items, including electronics and jewelry were missing, but most disturbing of all was the missing ashes of her father and dogs.

After investigating the matter, police found out the five suspects thought the remains were coke or heroin. They then proceeded to snort the remains. Once they realized they weren't they ditched the ashes somewhere, and police have yet to recover them.

Yeah, real bad asses, guys. Not only can you not pull off a home burglary without getting caught, but you can't even tell real drugs from human remains. Kids today are such losers they can't even be loser thugs correctly. If they end up in prison they'll probably get busted for trying to smuggle in baggies of oregano.

Waldo Soroa, 19, Matrix Andaluz, 18, Jose David Diaz Marrero, 19, and two other under-aged accomplices were arrested for the burglary and another failed break in in the same community.

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Kyle Munzenrieder