Keep New Times Free

Florida Cops Arrest Man for Meth, Turns Out It's Just Krispy Kreme Glaze

A lot of weird stuff happens in Florida. Every Friday, we bring you the weirdest. This week, we probe the nature of identity: Does a man who resembles a meth addict deserve to go to jail for doughnut possession? Do you trust a man named "Dickface Johnson" to act calmly in public? And how racist, exactly, is a person who flies a Confederate flag on his car?

Florida Cops Arrest Man for Meth; Turns Out It's Just Krispy Kreme Doughnut Glaze

In Florida, almost every unknown substance turns out to be crystal meth. All forms of white powder are meth. Anything remotely crystalline is meth. That weird jug labeled "painting supplies" in your Jacksonville grandmother's basement? Meth.

So it's hard to fault cops for jumping the proverbial gun on this one: After Orlando Police pulled over 64-year-old Daniel Rushing in December, they noticed four tiny white flakes of an unknown substance on his floor. So they arrested him.

"I recognized through my 11 years of training and experience as a law enforcement officer the substance to be some sort of narcotic," Cpl. Shelby Riggs-Hopkins wrote in an arrest report. "Rushing stated that the substance is sugar from a Krispie [sic] Kreme donut that he ate."

Somehow, the cops claim they did two roadside drug tests on said flakes, and both came back positive for meth.

But when the state crime lab ran its own tests, lab experts confirmed what Rushing had known all along: The flakes were glaze. He intends to sue.

Man Nicknamed "Dickface Johnson" Screams "I Will Beat Every Cop's Ass," Tries to Punch Cop

Things have clearly been hard for "Dickface Johnson" for a very long time. He either started calling himself "Dickface," which must have taken forever to stick, or someone else started calling him that, which transforms this into a sad tale of childhood bullying gone awry.

On July 23, cops arrested Jeffrey Poole, age 37, after getting called to a Largo home for an apparent domestic disturbance. At midnight, Largo Police say, they knocked on the door. Poole allegedly responded by storming the front door, shouting, "I will beat every cop's ass!" and rearing back to take a swing at an officer. Poole was arrested. (As to whether he was on drugs at the time, the cops checked off a box that said "unknown.")

He was charged with assault on a law enforcement officer.

But sometime during his apprehension, it appears Poole claimed his main alias was "Dickface Johnson." (We were betting on "Sideburns McGee.") The arrest report doesn't say why or how he gave cops the alias, so allow us to speculate:

"No, sir," we imagine he said. "Jeffrey is my given name. Please, call me Dickface."

Dania Beach Man With Confederate Flag on His Car Uses the N-Word, Tries to Run Over Black Couple

This one is less "ha-ha" WTF than actually "what the fuck" WTF, so we'll refrain from editorializing too much. A Dania Beach man with a Confederate flag on the hood of his car stands accused of shouting the N-word at a black couple trying to save a parking spot outside a South Florida BurgerFi.

He then allegedly hit the couple with his car, because he was clearly celebrating the "historical heritage" of the Confederacy racist-people-who-try-to-murder-black-people.

I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Miami and help keep the future of New Times free.

Shackus Davis and Veronica Larkins say they were simply standing in an empty spot outside the BurgerFi when Donald Lee Hicks, age 38, pulled up in front of them.

"Fuck you," he allegedly said before using the N-word. "Don't you see what's on the front of my truck?"

He then rammed them with his truck. Davis and Larkins say their knees were injured. He's unable to pay his $40,000 bond, so he's still sitting in jail.

"It's unclear if Hicks has an attorney," the Associated Press wrote.

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.