Sports

Hard Rock Stadium Underwater? Five Potential New Homes for the Dolphins

A floating football field really isn't all that far-fetched. This one's in Singapore.
A floating football field really isn't all that far-fetched. This one's in Singapore. Photo by Scott Taylor via Flickr
According to a new study by Bookmakers.com, odds are the Miami Dolphins will need literal dolphins to take the ball from goal to goal like no one's ever seen owing to the inconvenient likelihood that by 2050 Hard Rock Stadium will find itself submerged as a consequence of climate change.

We've heard of a solid home-field advantage, but that sounds like juice unworthy of the squeeze.

Using elevation maps and temperature projections, Bookmakers.com predicts that rising sea levels will put some of the world's most famous sporting stadiums underwater in the decades to come. Sadly, the Miami Dolphins' home has made its Top 20 list.

Regardless of whether you're convinced the Dolphins will be looking for dry land in 2050, it might be time to start considering what a future looks like for a team in search of a new home. Here are some locations that spring to mind.

Mount Trashmore

Desperate times call for desperate measures. If the Dolphins find themselves needing to migrate to higher ground in 2050, there is no place higher than Monarch Hill Landfill in Pompano, AKA Mount Trashmore.

Monarch Hill's estimated elevation tops 300, making it the highest ground in South Florida by far. What better place to break new ground on the Miami Dolphins' new home than a manmade mountain?

Hey, it's an option.

Raise the Roof

If the ocean's going to swallow everything in its path, the Dolphins might need to build up, not out. That means a football field built atop a skyscraper. Building a football field on the top of a 30-story parking garage is definitely one way to make the headache of parking at a Dolphins game a nonissue.

If the Dolphins were smart, they'd go ahead and start building this now. Maybe for the Miami Hurricanes at first. Better safe than sorry.

The Aquarium

By now you've heard Saudi Arabia is looking to build a multitrillion-dollar futuristic megacity that all exists within two long walls. The Dolphins could use this same thinking, but rather than an entire city, just a water-tight glass box that houses their stadium.

Yes: The Dolphins should build a reverse aquarium. A home that keeps things dry inside, and water out.

Getting into the glass home of the 2051 Miami Dolphins could be a challenge. Maybe it would require some sort of Metrorail train system. We can't think of everything.

Football at Sea

If the ocean thinks it can just come into the Dolphins' home and defeat them, well then maybe it's time to go on the offensive and take the fight back to the ocean. If Miami is going to be ocean, well, then why not play in the ocean? Lean into it!

Imagine a cruise ship built specifically for the Dolphins. Each week it picks up fans for the game and sails out to sea for four hours for the game, then comes back to dock. Want a rowdy crowd for a big playoff game? Let fans on the boat days before and overserve them.

Good luck to the Buffalo Bills as they deal with seasickness and Tyreek Hill all in the same AFC Championship game.

Floating Field

If water is coming, the Miami Dolphins must prepare for water. If that means putting huge floaties on the field so it stays afloat, so be it. Let's not reinvent the wheel.

Maybe Hard Rock Stadium and the ocean can coexist beyond 2050 with a little compromise. If the ocean wants to take back a foot or two, the Dolphins should raise the field a foot or two — it's not rocket surgery.

Turn Hard Rock into the nicest barge ever to barge.
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Ryan Yousefi is a freelance writer for Miami New Times, a lover of sports, and an expert consumer of craft beer and pho. Hanley Ramirez once stole a baseball from him and to this day still owes him $10.